Tell Me Lies... Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

So... Surgery is in one week.... from today.

My child leaves for Abilene to spend time with Husband's side of the family Saturday.

I'm having random crying jags and freaking out of stuff that isn't important...

Yeah... I'm stressing over the surgery.

People keep asking if I'm OK with it and I keep saying, "Yeah! I'm not worried about the SURGERY! It's the recovery I'm dreading! Let's hope it goes better than last time!"

LIES!

Yeah... I'm scared of the surgery. It's freaking my ass out. My friends, I'm a control freak... this surgery? Yeah, I have NO control over how it goes. I'll be unconscious. Helpless. Ummm... ok... I'm gonna think about something else now... I can feel the panic attack bubbling up again....

Cute Shecky Moment:

He got the Iron Man video game for the PS2. Throughout the game Pepper gives you directions when you aren't achieving the goals quickly enough... I heard THIS the other night:

"Yes, I KNOW Pepper! SHUT. IT!"

I about pee'd myself.

Revelations Chapter 1, Verse 1

I realized something this weekend.

I'm VERY bothered that it seems I'm so far behind in life compared to others my age.

Let me explain. We visited with some folks at the lake this weekend. We'll call them the Purples. The Purples are just a few years older than Husband and I. They are GRANDPARENTS. They are HOMEOWNERS. They are GROWN-UPS.

We, no.. I am not the first two and don't FEEL like the third. Shecky just turned 8. Most people my age have grand kids.... I feel sort of... out of the loop and left behind. How foolish is that?

Then, yesterday, I was conversing with my parents. Dad mentioned the fact that my brother was going to be a grandfather... my YOUNGER brother... and I was MORTIFIED. I was... JEALOUS. I was SAD. He had beaten me to that milestone by a long, LONG margin.

I wouldn't exchange my child for an older one. I don't want to wish away his youth. I'm THRILLED that he keeps me young and keeps me going. However, I can't help feeling like I've missed the bus somewhere and that I'm a failure at being an adult.

By the way, the age of my son isn't the only thing that makes me feel this way. It's just one that KEEPS popping up for me. :)

Where I Tell It Like I See It.

There's a whole WORLD of E-Drama going on in the blogasphere. She said... She's mean... She's copying Susie... She hurt my feelings....

Lemme get out my big ole Cluebat (Copyright someone much more clever than I am...)

That shit is NOT what life is about. GET OVER YOURSELVES.

My family is in a bad spot financially. My health is crap... its getting better but its NOT good.

My best friend, Unca B... yeah... he has Kidney cancer. He was supposed to have surgery to remove it tomorrow. That's now on hold. His pre-op chest x-ray shows a spot on one of his ribs... they think they cancer may have metastasised to his bones.

Friends of our family lost their 18 year old grandson, who JUST graduated from High School, 2 days ago. He killed himself in a park at 3am with a shotgun.

A friend of mine on Plurk just found out her great-grandmother has lymphatic cancer. She's sharp as a tack and in good health otherwise... at the age of 93.

Folks, THESE are the problems we should be focusing on. THESE are the things that are important and deserve our thoughts, words and energy.

Pray for us all. We're in a hell of a mess when we don't realize what deserves our ire and what doesn't.