Tell Me Lies... Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

So... Surgery is in one week.... from today.

My child leaves for Abilene to spend time with Husband's side of the family Saturday.

I'm having random crying jags and freaking out of stuff that isn't important...

Yeah... I'm stressing over the surgery.

People keep asking if I'm OK with it and I keep saying, "Yeah! I'm not worried about the SURGERY! It's the recovery I'm dreading! Let's hope it goes better than last time!"

LIES!

Yeah... I'm scared of the surgery. It's freaking my ass out. My friends, I'm a control freak... this surgery? Yeah, I have NO control over how it goes. I'll be unconscious. Helpless. Ummm... ok... I'm gonna think about something else now... I can feel the panic attack bubbling up again....

Cute Shecky Moment:

He got the Iron Man video game for the PS2. Throughout the game Pepper gives you directions when you aren't achieving the goals quickly enough... I heard THIS the other night:

"Yes, I KNOW Pepper! SHUT. IT!"

I about pee'd myself.

What's Red and Whiney and Dramatic All Over?

THAT, my friends, would be my 7 year old son, Shecky. Holy Hells! The boy made it home safely yesterday. In fact, he deemed it "The Best Day Of My Life!" However, he got one HECK of a sunburn.

This morning it was all winces, whines and wailing about how much it was STINGING! "Jesus Christ that stings!" was heard several times. After laughing privately in the bathroom, fussing at him for hollering "Jesus Christ!" and putting vinegar and vitamin E oil on his burn, the morning progressed normally.

He called his dad and was using the MOST pitiful voice in the HISTORY of pitiful voices. 5 minutes into the conversation I hear him say the following:

"Dad! Why aren't you asking me why I SOUND like THIS?"

I think I bit through my lip trying not to burst into spontaneous Mocking Mommy Laughter! Oh My Hells. That boy CAN bring the drama!

Weight Loss Walk and Shecky Cuteness

Hey folks. I'm still eating 1200-1600 calories a day. Last week I managed to loose 7.7 lbs. I'm not hungry much. I get a little hungry toward the end of the day but that's it. Definitely not starving.

The exercise pool is out of commission. The pump/heater unit is fried. We've mailed it off. It should reach its destination Monday... ish. God knows when we'll get it back.

Currently I'm walking for exercise. I make the block several times a day. I'm aiming for 5 a day but I haven't made it past 4. The lil hill at the end of my walk KILLS me. I mean like... heart thumping outta my chest OMGICAN'TBREATHE gasping for air KILLS me.

But... I kinda like it. It reminds me why I'm doing this.

Conversation with Shecky day before yesterday:

Sheck: Momma! Guess what "Fall" does to make me do stuff SHE doesn't wanna do?

Me: ??? What ???

Sheck: She gives me PUPPY DOG EYES and LIPS!!!!!

Me: (trying desperately not to crack up) Does it work?

Sheck: Well.. .(Thoughtful silence from him) She's REALLY cute when she does it!

Me: (Loosing my shit) ::FacePalm::

God... it starts EARLY.

WOAH! Mah Keed Ees Ah Suuuupah Jean-ee-ous!!!

Shecky's 4 person team WON THE SCIENCE FAIR!!!! Holy...

Their prize? Monday the school is taking all the winners to a Water Park...

Oh... and there was some sort of trophy... and a certificate. lol.

Kids are so blase sometimes! Congrats Sheck!

I just wish I know what the heck the project WAS. I still dun unnerstand it!!!!

I Think I've Reached My Limit....

TOO. MUCH. STRESS.

Shecky got his progress reports with his mid-grading period marks. His morning classes? AWESOME. All A's. His afternoon classes? Yeah... not so good. 2 C's and B. His teacher has requested that I call her. Lovely. I'm not sure what's going on with him. He's got attitude. He's not listening AT ALL. His grades are slipping and I truly am beside myself wondering what the hell to do at this point.

In mid-stream dealing with all that... Husband calls... His mother has been rushed to an ER in another part of the state with what the SUSPECT is a heart attack. We just SAW her this past weekend. She seemed off but there's a lot of stress going on for her and I just figured that was to blame.

Shit.

Then, my all knowing father decides, TONIGHT, AT SHECKY'S FRIGGIN BEDTIME, that he's to old to need the lamp that he keeps on while he goes to sleep. WTF BBQ? Give me a fekking break! Shecky, of course, melted down in a big way and I ended up staying upstairs with him, on my bed, until he fell asleep. Now, Shecky is sleeping on my king sized bed and I'll be sleeping on a wing back chair.

God... I better loose this week or SOMEONE is getting hurt.

Back In The Saddle Again...

Things are finally starting to settle into routine for us again. Shecky is back in school. I got his progress report and he's making all A's and B's again. Baseball practice has begun. Apparently, he's a left handed batter... he does everything ELSE with his right hang... Huh? Opening day for Baseball is Saturday and he
has a double header. God help us all. May it be quick and injury free.

I'm back to exercising and dieting regularly. I actually managed to LOOSE a pound over the last 3 weeks. During all the turmoil and ... well intentioned food... I managed to still loose. WOOT! I'm down 70 lbs now. I've lost 2 shirt sizes. My ass seems to be the same size though. Basta'd.

I promise I'm back now with regular posts. Hopefully more interesting than THIS one. Heh.

Things I ate today:

Breakfast:

Fresh Fruit Salad

Lunch:

A roasted chicken and cheese sandwich with 2% cheese, Fat Free Mayo and Honey Mustard.

Light Lays Potato Chips. (Less than an oz. Just enough to give my sammy some crunch.)

Dinner:

BBQ hamburger made with lean ground meat and light bbq sauce. 2% cheese, FF Mayo and regular mustard.

Oven Fries

Skim Milk

I Hang My Head In Shame...

Damn it. I LOST.MY.SHIT. with Shecky this morning. This single parenting thing is taking its toll on me, my patience and my child.

I cannot STAND whining. It's like ... well... it bypasses my eardrums and heads straight for my central nervous system, setting my teeth on edge and making me want to scream in agony.

Shecky, God love him, has a fit throwing, eardrum passing whine habit. This morning's episode was a toot! He has recently learned how to tie his own shoes. However, he doesn't like having to do it himself. He has a "hoop issue". Anyway, this morning he decided someone else was going to tie his shoes and commenced to throwing the whiniest, brattiest hissy fit in history. He tantrumed his ass off... and I lost it. I yelled, I grounded, I cajoled , I tore my hair out. His fit lasted 30 minutes. My father was yelling at him, taunting him, calling him a baby, which, yeah... SO not helping.

I truely am at my wits end with it. I don't know how to effectively circumvent these fits of his. I can't figure out how to redirect the whining into something more positive. Unfortunately, I don't have the patience to deal with them either.

Now, I realize he was tired. He went to bed an hour and a half late. (Basketball game, they lost. Season OVER for him.) He got up a half an hour early as well. (Don't ask. I swear the later he goes to bed the earlier he rises. YOU figure it out. God knows I've tried and failed more times than I can count.) I'm sick so my tolerance and patience levels are lower than normal. I, logically, know that all of that figures in. I feel like crap for my part in our morning tantrum from Hell. A large part of me wants to let him off the hook and rescind the grounding edict. (Partially out of self defence. WTF was I THINKING? I grounded him from TV and Video Games... for a week... dumb ass move Mom. However, I realize if I let him off his grounding, I'm doing the wrong thing.

Help. Me.

Mother Knows...

not so much...

Shecky has been driving me INSANE the past few days. Temper tantrums, whining, crying, and fit throwing from dawn till dreams. I've been at my wit's end with the child. I've tried threats of grounding, threats of early bedtimes, threats of no "treats" before bed... and then I followed through on all of them. (Ok.. not the early bedtime one. But all the others!) I've cajoled, screamed, beat my head into the table... (Oh... not really that last one... not LITERALLY) and this morning I reached my limit.

I told him NO MORE. If he has an issue he can TALK to me about his problem or what he disagrees with but I will NOT accept any more of the above behaviors... THAT. IS. IT!

Yeah... he whined a bit about doing his homework and a bit more when we went over some papers he'd done in class and made not so great grades on (Read D's) but he was much better tonight. He seemed... subdued though. Sad, really.

That got me to thinking. I've spent the last few weeks basically feeling like ass. I've dealt with everything from menstrual cycles every 2 weeks to a full 7 days of blood sugar crashes... sometimes multiple crashes a day. All my energy was going to just getting... through... the... day.

My patience levels have been really LOW as well. I've been yelling a lot more at him rather than directing and correcting him. Shit. It finally hit me...

The whining, fit throwing, crying and foot stomping increased over the last few weeks. The less attention, of the POSITIVE type he got... the more he was acting out and bratting up my air space. Frick, Frick, FRIKKITY, Frick. It was my fault. He's just a lil' boy no matter how grown up he seems sometimes.

Tonight, we played a bit on the XBOX 360. We watched American Idol together, curled up on the couch. We goofed off together during commercials.

Suddenly, before my eyes, he started turning into my sweet, funny boy. Yeah he bitched a bit about going to bed. Pulled the old dejected, sighing, unenthusiastic "Love you too" routine. However, no whining, no crying, no fit throwing and no mommy yelling.

Hell... I might actually be getting the hang of this parenting stuff! Naaaaaaaah.

Bastkeball Diaries

Shecky had 2 basketball games today. MUCH hilarity ensued. They lost both games... by a sizable amount. However, I haven't laughed so hard in AGES.

Shecky played all but one quarter. The quarter he sat out I watched him on the bench as he fiddled with the coach's clipboard. The coach called for him to go back into the game and Shecky approached him with the clipboard.

Shecky: "Hey Coach! I've got a game plan here. Everyone goes where I tell them and we'll WIN THE GAME!" ::Shecky proudly shows Coach the diagram he's done up on the clipboard.

Coach A: ::Trying desperately not to laugh as he looks at the clipboard:: "Give me the clipboard Shecky. Get out there and play some ball." ::Coach then looks at me, as I am sitting right behind the bench, and we both CRACK. THE. HELL. UP.::

Shecky (now on the court): "MICHAEL! TAYLOR! TANNER! EVERYONE GO TO THE MIDDLE OF THE COURT!!!"

Me and Coach A: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! GET UNDER THE BASKET!" (We both proceed to loosing our shit laughing again.)

God help me, the child just cracks my ass up! Thank goodness the coach feels the same way!

Lil' League Blues

HOLY HELLS BUT MY SON'S BASKETBALL TEAM IS HORRID!!!

I had to get that out of my system. Those poor kids don't have a CLUE what they are supposed to be doing on that court. The coach, bless his heart, just smiles and laughs and tells em to have fun. That's what sports are supposed to be like for 7 year old kids.

Of course, the parents... heh... we were sitting on the bleachers yelling things like, "RUN TO THE FRIGGIN' BASKET ALREADY!" or "GET THE BALL!! STRIP IT FROM HIM!!". There was also the ever popular, "GET YOUR HANDS OUT OF YOUR POCKETS JIMMY!" and "PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE GAME GEDY!" We... were... HORRIBLE.

No WONDER kids are so competitive these days, eh?

Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates...

I think my son is Forrest Gump's child. We had THIS conversation at bedtime last night. (After my spending and HOUR trying to get him to sleep.)

Shecky: Momma? I forgot to tell you something.

Me: Sheck, GO TO SLEEP.

Shecky: (In a small voice) Nevermind, I'll tell you tomorrow.

Me: (Feeling like crap for yelling at him) Sigh... What hon?

Shecky: My basketball has a Sister and...

Me: GO TO SLEEP!

Jebus... where does he come UP with this stuff?

Bonfires and Kindergarten Court

This week is Homecoming at Shecky's school. Tonight they had the coronation of the PreK-8th grade Duchesses and a bonfire. It was ADORABLE! The little girls in their fancy dresses. The lovely corsages and Homecoming mums. The escorts whether it was the proud papa or an adorable kid from their class. The 2 inch high heels... WHU???

Mom and I were looking at the girls. Many of the younger ones, we're talking 1st and 2nd graders, had high heels on. I mean... HIGH. Mom and I were talking about it and we realized... that was all their MOTHER'S doing. I don't quite get that. I mean... yes. Its an honor for their darling lil girl to be chosen as the Duchess. Dressing her up in the finest gown they can find is great! However, LET THEM BE LIL GIRLS. Holy Hell!

Kids grow up so much faster these days. It doesn't help when their parents are encouraging it. Is it just me? Am I wrong and looking at it in a skewed way or are these parents actually encouraging their 6 and 7 year old daughters to grow up too quickly? Meh... mebbe I'm just bitter because I wasn't allowed to have high heels until I was 13... heh.

Holiday Train Rooooooooollin' In

My Grandfather passed away December 18, 2006. We put him to rest on December 21, 2006.

We are rapidly approaching the holidays and the 1 year anniversary of his passing and none of us seem to be handling it well. Mom is already having the random crying jags. Grandma seems to be getting more depressed. My Nanny is too. I'm sure its affecting the others as well.

One of my cousins, who was hardest hit by Grandpa's passing, is going through a similar problem this year. His Father In Law is dying of cancer. He's being care for by Hospice Care, unable to eat and just slowly drifting away. His wife is a wreck. He works out of state. They have 3 kids ranging in age from 17 to 6. I pray for them daily.

The thing is... THEY HAVE KIDS. So do I. Just like last year its necessary and important to make the holidays as normal and fun and familycentric (It is TOO a word! I said so!) as possible. Last year we went through the motions and I think we did a good job of keeping the holidays in tact for the kids. Reindeer Feed was made and scattered. Santa was extra generous. We had the huge traditional meal together. There was laughter in spite of what had just happened... even if there were still tears in our eyes and our hearts.

This year just seems harder.

I'm pushing the Holiday train on everyone just like last year and I feel like crap about it. I miss my grandfather, too. Shecky does as well. I'll be damned, though, if I'm going to let a natural part of life make the holidays hollow for my family for the rest of our lives. The kids deserve better. The adults deserve better. Hell, my GRANDFATHER deserves better. (He loved the holidays and everyone being together and all the chaos and laughter that came with the house being full with his family.)

Am I wrong to try to preserve this time of year for me and mine? (And by me and mine I mean EVERYONE from my kid to my cousins kids) Should I just let it go and make it as nice for Shecky as I can and forget about everyone else? Do I continue to try to make sure we're all together and celebrating the best we can because God only knows how many more chances we'll get to do so? What would you do?

"Catch As Catch Can" or "Sleep Deprivation Makes Me Cry"

Sorry for the lack of post yesterday folks. Shecky, my darling, adorable, loving, light of my life, woke my butt up at 4:30 AM yesterday... by making his bed. WTF?

He was WIDE awake and ready to rock! I was ready for more sleep. I tried to get him to lay back down but... yeah... that wasn't happening. We got up, got him ready for school, goofed off a bit and I tried desperately to cat nap between sentences. Yeah... THAT wasn't happening either! I would have gladly knocked his lil butt out! (When my Nanny heard about his antics she suggested a nightly dose of Tylenol to do just that lol... She was only kidding.. RIGHT?)

The rest of the day was, basically, a sleep deprived blur. We went to town and spent the morning shopping at The Big Evil Wally-World. I got one of Shecky's Christmas presents. Its a YOOGE Black Pearl Toy Ship. He's STILL obsessed with Pirates of the Caribbean and he was drooling over it at his last trip through the toy aisle. Its not hiding in the trailer.

I also spent a crap ton of money on Halloween Themed Candy to make goody bags out of. A week from Saturday we're having a HUGE Halloween Celebration for the kids. We're doing a "Haunted Woods" ride. The adults are going to create a haunted trail that the kids will be taken through on a hay ride. We're going to have Trick-or-Treating (hence the goody bags) and we're going to have a Halloween Carnival. The carnival should be a blast for the kids. We'll have everything from bobbing for apples to a cake walk to face painting to any number of other things. I'll be spending next Friday baking and decorating 4 cakes for the cake walk. Mom and I will be running it so I figured, yanno, I MIGHT should make some cakes for it. Mom and I will both be in costumes and if I can figure out how to get more than one picture on my blog at a time I'll put some of em up here. :)

But, I digress. After shopping we came back here, unloaded and unpacked all the stuff we'd bought and then kinda just... well... we were much like slugs that have scuttled through a pile of salt. Heh. We just kinda sat around and did not much till it was time to go get Shecky from School.

I helped him study and do homework. We had dinner. Shecky and I snuggled up in my bed and watched Survivor (STOOPID STOOPID PG AND WHATS HER FACE THROWING TEH CHALLENGE!!!) and CSI:The Original (GRISSOM AND SARAH... ENGAGED!!! FISH WITH BOTH MALE AND FEMALE SEX ORGANS!!! CORY'S DAD FROM BOY MEETS WORLD!!!). Shecky went to bed, I read a while then passed. the. hell. OUT!

It wasn't a terribly BUSY day but the lack of sleep had me kinda... disoriented. (Yeah I know... not really all THAT different than usual but it DID make it worse.)

Who IS This Kid?

Shecky confuses me sometimes. This morning he popped out of bed, got dressed, made his bed, brushed his teeth... all without my having to say a WORD to him. Usually, I have to threaten him with bodily harm to get him out of bed much LESS moving! WTF?

THEN... he decides to take it upon himself to make his own lunch... ON PIZZA DAY at school. (Pizza is the only food group according to him.) When I asked him why he said, "I'll have Pizza on the 31st. Pizza isn't good for you anyway, Mom." WTF?

THEN, he is SO determined to take the test over the library book he checked out that he reads the book to me and answers all the questions without pausing. He paid full attention to what I was asking and didn't get distracted ... or... anything. WTF? WTF?

I have no clue who this child is but I kinda like him... and I'm kinda... Scared of him! heh.

(My Dad SWEARS all this HAS to be due to some lil girl he's crushin' on... Who loves to read... and prolly makes her own lunches... groan... Gawd Help Me! He's ONLY 7!!!!!)

Three Cheers for Shecky!!!

Today... was report card day! Shecky brought home 6 A's and 6 B's!!!! I am SO proud of him! (Could I use more exclamation points? Why, YES! YES! I! COULD! heheh)

He finally made the leap between studying and good grades. He GETS it now! WHOO HOO!!!! He got 3 things out of the prize bag and the promise of the Transformers Movie next week when it hits stores. Grandpa promised him $10.00 for every B and $20.00 for every A... Ummm that would have been $180.00. Needless to say Shecky forgot the amounts promised and Grandpa got away with giving him a cool $20.00. lol.

WTG Kiddo! I'm so freakin' proud of you I could bust!

Update and Links I'd Like You To Visit

Good Morning! Happy Columbus Day! I have some things I wanna talk about today but its nothing terribly important.

Here's a quick update on the weight loss scene. I lost 5.2 lbs this week. I'm at my lowest weight in AGES. I now weigh 420 lbs. I'm getting so close to breaking the 400 lb mark I can freaking TASTE it. AIIIIIIGH. I found out last week I actually only gained 3 lbs not 5. Mom rounded up when she told me verbally. I yelled a long time about THAT one. Heh.

My walk today was really good. I managed 7 minute cycles of walking rather than 5 and I got in 10 laps per cycle rather than 7. It was sort of a power walk... for me. LOL. A REAL power walked would have looked and said... "Ummm... lady... yer CRAWLING" but I feel good about having managed to increase my time, speed and number of laps. Gonna aim for the same for the rest of the week.

My friend Jess over at Oh, The Joys is having a rough time. Her grandmother passed away very suddenly this weekend. She's got a very moving tribute to her up on her site. Please go by and check it out. Give her some support and love from the Blogaverse!

Another friend of mine, Wendy, over at One Day At A Time... is asking the Blog Community to stand up and help her support a really great cause. If you can afford to donate I encourage you to do so. If you can't, like me, perhaps linking to her and giving her more exposure for the cause would be a nice way to help out. Her email to me follows and it contains a link:

Tessa,

Hunger is an issue that has become very important to me and I have decided to get involved! I am walking in the CROP Hunger Walk and I need your help. Please consider making a donation to my efforts. Your donation supports programs that work to solve this world-wide challenge.You can help me by making a donation online. Click on the link below and you will be taken to my personal donation page where you can make a secure online credit card donation. Thank you,Follow This Link to visit my personal web page and help me in my efforts to support Church World Service.

Wendy

That's it for now. I'll be back tonight with today's Menu.

OH! Shecky is FINALLY off restriction and can go play. PRAISE JEBUS I made it through! errr HE MADE IT THROUGH... heh.

Writers Guild

Here is a 7 year olds attempt at creative writing. How can you NOT love this kid?

The Amazon by Shecky Bo Becky

Me and Ray and Martina goes to the Amazon and see the animals and lions. I see a rose. I pick it up for Marina. The End.


I do believe my child has a crush. She's an adorable lil girl and he talks about her ALL the time. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

The Cheese Stands Alone

I have a 7 year old boy that I'm trying to parent, basically, alone. Its not that husband doesn't WANT to help. No, its not that at all. He's just not HERE. Its making it difficult for me to keep my cool with my son.

You can tell from the little stories I have shared with you that Shecky is... well... he's a live wire. He hates restrictions and rules and just not getting his way in general. I KNOW... that's typical of ANY child. However, mine likes to whine and cry. I don't mean a little. He pitches the fit of a lifetime... every time. I don't know what to do about it. I'm to the point now where I'm just SCREAMING at him a lot. Yeah. That's not working either.

I'm trying to figure out how much of it is because his daddy isn't around much and how much of it is him just trying to get his way.

Last night I may have found a partial solution. I sent his little whiny, petulant, pissy ass to BED... at 8pm. Usually he stays up till 8:30... sometimes 9 if something special is going on (Like Daddy Being Here!) Yanno what? He got up this morning easily. NO whining, no crying, pitching of fits. Just a few giggles, some goofiness and a smile for his momma. THAT is the kid I remember. Ya' think mebbe he's just over tired at the end of the day and Mommy is too much of a ditz to figure that out? Jebus... Dumb... Assery! My biggest talent! Heh.

What's your solution when your child is acting likey they belong to someone else ... or making you kinda sorta wish they did?

How Low Can Ya' Go?

I want to apologize for my lack of posts lately. I seem to be loosing my resolve for a lot of things and I'm not sure why.

I seem to have hit a bit of a plateau with my weight loss. I'm more easily tempted to stray from the eating plan and yet at the same time I don't really want to eat... anything.

I'm still walking but its becoming a chore. Something I HAVE to do rather than something I WANT to do. My legs, they hurt. They're tired. So am I.

I have little or no patience with Shecky lately. I know he's tired after school but when I try to study with him or quiz him for a test its like he doesn't even try. He swears he's trying and he's focusing but I get more frustrated and angry each time he gives an incorrect answer.

I seem to be tired a lot. I'm sleeping well at night but during the day I just get so... listless. I don't want to do much of anything and when I DO make the effort to do something I'm just sort of... meh... about the whole thing.

WTF is WRONG with me lately? Is the single parenting getting to me? (Husband tries but he's not here for the day to day stuff that I get frustrated with.) Is it the lack of progress on the weight loss? Am I just going through a bit of depression again? If it IS depression do I just ride it out or do I talk to my DR about it? (By Dr I mean PCP not shrink. I dun have one of those... Mebbe I NEED one... bleh) Am I just tired of feeling alone all the time?

Husband and J are trying to make things as easy for me as possible. (J is someone very close to me and he and Husband share an apartment). They bought me a brand new laptop this past weekend and I was thrilled. Tickled pink. Unfortunately, the baseline BLEH I've been feeling is still there.

I've avoided posting in the hopes that this would just... pass. I didn't want to whine to the internets about how out of sorts I am but at this point... mebbe it will help. God knows not much else is!

I refuse to end this entry on such a downer. Here's a random story from when Shecky was a kid:

When Shecky was 2 or 3 he was OBSESSED... with Bob the Builder. I don't remember how he got introduced to that show, those characters, but he LOVED it. He was visiting my parents one summer while Dad was still finishing his build of this house. A friend of theirs was helping him. Shecky wandered out to where they were working and Dad introduced Sheck to his friend. Shecky, wide eyed and in awe, looked at this new person, holding a hammer, working on his Grandpa's house as my Dad said, "This is Mr. Bob." and then Shecky replied... "Bob... the... BUILDER!!!!" HE STILL calls him that... today... heh. Kids

{edited cause spellcheck doesn't catch it when I use the wrong word.. cough...}