Mother Knows...

not so much...

Shecky has been driving me INSANE the past few days. Temper tantrums, whining, crying, and fit throwing from dawn till dreams. I've been at my wit's end with the child. I've tried threats of grounding, threats of early bedtimes, threats of no "treats" before bed... and then I followed through on all of them. (Ok.. not the early bedtime one. But all the others!) I've cajoled, screamed, beat my head into the table... (Oh... not really that last one... not LITERALLY) and this morning I reached my limit.

I told him NO MORE. If he has an issue he can TALK to me about his problem or what he disagrees with but I will NOT accept any more of the above behaviors... THAT. IS. IT!

Yeah... he whined a bit about doing his homework and a bit more when we went over some papers he'd done in class and made not so great grades on (Read D's) but he was much better tonight. He seemed... subdued though. Sad, really.

That got me to thinking. I've spent the last few weeks basically feeling like ass. I've dealt with everything from menstrual cycles every 2 weeks to a full 7 days of blood sugar crashes... sometimes multiple crashes a day. All my energy was going to just getting... through... the... day.

My patience levels have been really LOW as well. I've been yelling a lot more at him rather than directing and correcting him. Shit. It finally hit me...

The whining, fit throwing, crying and foot stomping increased over the last few weeks. The less attention, of the POSITIVE type he got... the more he was acting out and bratting up my air space. Frick, Frick, FRIKKITY, Frick. It was my fault. He's just a lil' boy no matter how grown up he seems sometimes.

Tonight, we played a bit on the XBOX 360. We watched American Idol together, curled up on the couch. We goofed off together during commercials.

Suddenly, before my eyes, he started turning into my sweet, funny boy. Yeah he bitched a bit about going to bed. Pulled the old dejected, sighing, unenthusiastic "Love you too" routine. However, no whining, no crying, no fit throwing and no mommy yelling.

Hell... I might actually be getting the hang of this parenting stuff! Naaaaaaaah.

Crap On A Stick...

Yeah... that pretty much describes how I feel.

Today I have been living in bizarro world. My blood sugars have been crashing like blind pilot flying through a gaggle of geese! I have crashed 3 times today... once as low as 49... 49???!?!?!?!!!! Jesus. I'm eating. I'm taking my meds. The only thing I can think of is the addition of exercising in the pool is causing my metabolism to work faster or better or... at all. I just know I'm exhausted PHYSICALLY between the low blood sugars and the exercise... but I'M NOT SLEEPY!

I hurt to frickin' much to be sleepy. My arms and legs are performing a slow, evil torture on me. I. No. LIKEE!!!! Bleh.

Sorry for all the whining. I'm just not having the best of days physically... *reads post again* or mentally I guess. Heh.

ZOMG Heath Leger is DEAD??? Dudes, he's 10 years younger than me and he's DEAD??? That's. Not. RIGHT!

Politics...

I used to be very politically active... When I was younger. It seems like another life now. I was single. I was young. I was going to facilitate CHANGE in our world.

These days... I'm so busy with my life I don't even know what issues are being touted as the issue of the day. These days... I have no clue who most of the candidates ARE much less what they stand for or WHO they stand WITH.

That's about to change. I want information. I have the web. I'm going to research. I'm going to figure out who all these people are who want to run our country and what they REALLY want to do if they get into power. Hopefully, I'm not too late.

I watched the Iowa Caucus returns tonight. Obama and Huckabee? Really? REALLY? Ok... Then... Away... We... Go!

If you want to teach me about your candidate... feel free. I'm open to any and all information I can get!!!!

Too Blessed To Be Stressed...

Ummm Not so much. 4:30am we were awakened by a call from my Nanny Deb. My grandmother lives with her. Grandma was having problems. Her blood pressure was 197/102 and her Oxygen level was only 85%. That's really high and really low for those that don't know. Nanny Deb wanted to take her to the ER. Grandma said she just wanted to be left alone to die. In the end, my cousin Jody convinced her to go to the ER by explaining that she wasn't DYING, per se, but that she'd likely have a stroke with her Blood Pressure being so high and wouldn't THAT just make the quality of her life SO much better? (GO JODY!!!)

She's been in the ER at the hospital since shortly after 7:00AM. We were told she'd been moved to the ICU... only... she's STILL in the fricking ER waiting on a bed to free up in ICU.

They've given her some nitre glycerin and her blood pressure is better. They're still admitting her though.

The kicker, my friends, is that today is the one year anniversary of my grandfather, her husband, passing away. Mom had planned to go to the cemetery and visit Grandpa. She didn't get to go. She felt like she needed to stay close to home in case they needed her for something.

As horrible as this is going to make me sound, I wonder how much of Grandma's health crisis today is due to it being the anniversary of his death. How much of it was her wanting to die because its the day he died and how much of it was her wanting the focus of today to be on her. (You would have to really know my grandmother to understand why I would even THINK this.) I feel like a really shitty person for wondering those things, but, I do wonder them.

Mom feels like she was robbed of the opportunity to reflect on her father's life and passing today. She feels like, this day, of all days, should have been about him. Yet, she's forced to put her focus elsewhere. I agree with her, but again, I have to wonder if it was horrible that it turned out the way it did. The focus of today became the living, not the dead. I'm not so sure that's such a horrible way to mark the passing of a man we all loved and miss.

Maybe, I'm just thinking too much....

Updates and Apologies

Apologies:

So, SO sorry I've been so absent post wise lately. Life has been completely crazy lately.

Updates:

My grandmother is home and doing... ok. She's having a rough time and we're thinking some of her meds aren't properly managing some of the health issues but we're waiting and giving it a lil more time.

My Father In Law is now in the hospital. He had knee surgery replacement on both knees recently and he's thrown some clots into his lungs. He's recovering and will be on a cumin regimen for the next 6 or so months to make sure the problem doesn't recur.

Husband's Grandmother was taken to the ER today. She fell and scraped the hell out of her arm. The probably wouldn't have bothered with the ER except she started having dizzy spells and threw up something... well.. black. The Dr's didn't admit her but sent her home with medications for dizziness and nausea and instructions to see her regular physician.... WTF???

I spent today wrapping gifts. I'm DONE. Whew! I have ONE MORE gift to purchase. Bleh.

I have lost 7.2 lbs in the last 2 weeks. I have lost a total of 62 lbs since mid July. I am 1.3 lbs from being below 400 lbs. Holy Hells!

Query:

Teachers and gift certificates for a restaurant ... your thoughts?

Cute Shecky Story:

My child now plays basketball. At the first practice, I observed him picking on a child on his team that has Down's Syndrome. Its not anything he wouldn't have done to pick on any other child but I lost it. I called him offa the court in the MIDDLE of practice. He walked off the court. The coach said, "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?" My child, bless his bones, replied, "MY MOMMAH HOLLERED FOR ME TO COME TO HER!" EVERYONE heard. EVERYONE laughed. I... wanted... to... die. lol. At least he's trained well.

Mother Nature Is TRYING to Keel Me!

Holy Cotton Undies Batman! After the busiest 2 weeks EVER... (and I'm STILL not done baking for the soldiers... Candy tomorrow) Aunt Flo has decided to visit. I'm pissy. I'm hurting. I want to be held... but I dun want anyone around me... My head hurts, my feet stink and I dun luv Jebus anymore.

Such is the state of my mood.

However, I DID loose .7 lbs last week with Thanksgiving AND PMS... Take THAT! Heheh

Holiday Musings... and A Challenge

The Holiday's are HARD. I LOVE them. Don't get me wrong. I love the baking and the cooking and the shopping and the wrapping and the family gatherings. I love the sense of wonder you find in children at this time of year and the warm fuzzies you find in adults.

However, (you KNEW there had to be a however, Right?) for some reasons the Holidays also bring to the surface everyone's... ISSUES. Everything is intensified. Issues with your family, with yourself, with your pocket book and with society in general all seem so much WORSE during the Holidays. People die every... single... DAY. Yet, when it happens during the Holiday Season it seems so much more tragic. The impact of that death seems harder... lasts longer... is remembered more vividly.

I try to keep a positive mindset during the Holidays. I'm thankful for all that I have. I appreciate everything I can do. I also like to stop and reflect on how fortunate I and my family really are. But... (You KNEW there was a but, RIGHT? ) I can't help but think about those that aren't as lucky. Who can't give their kids a happy holiday be it for financial reasons or other things that may not be within their control.

Because my mind works the way it does, my husband and I have a tradition of doing... SOMETHING for someone else during this time of year. Its generally not someone we know. Often, we don't know their names or their full circumstances. Those things don't really matter to us. We just want to make things a little better for someone else because were things different... we could EASILY be in the same boat.

Last year we adopted 2 kids and made sure they had a Christmas. The year before we took two names off a tree at Walmart and bought something for those kids. This year I'm baking my arse off and sending the results to a random person in the army hoping that it eases their heart while away from those they love during the Holidays and hoping it lets them know their sacrifices aren't unappreciated or un-noticed.

My challenge for you is this:

One Random Act of Kindness. It can be for someone you know well or not at all. It doesn't matter. You can donate money, toys, food or time. Help and elderly person put up their decorations... Bake a pie or cake for a neighbor who's having a hard time.... Pay for the coffee of the person standing on the corner selling newspapers on the corner this chilly Sunday.... WHAT EVER. It doesn't have to be a huge gesture. Something small works as well. Make a small difference to someone... and then... encourage someone else to do the same.

I'm involving my mother in my efforts this year. She's helping me plan and bake. Shecky... his entire 2nd grade class is making Christmas Cards for soldiers to be sent with my package. His teacher is having them do it.

This isn't a new idea. The movie "Pay It Forward" put it forth in a massive way. There's a National Day of Kindness. However, (you HAD to know... cough... ) during the holidays seems to be a time it can be of most use to those who may need it the most. Join me, won't you?

Community Chest

I LOVE the community we live in. Tonight we had a community dinner to celebrate Thanksgiving. It. Was. AWESOME.

One of the elder members of our group played the Sitar and sang a song giving thanks for all our blessings... that she had written herself. It was off tune. Her voice cracked often. Yet, it was moving and lovely that she wanted to share it with all of us.

Another older gentleman gave a blessing that was heartfelt and pithy.

We had Turkey and Ham. We had stuffing, dressing and sweet potato casserole. There was macaroni and cheese, green bean casserole and broccoli cheese rice. Oh there was so much more. The food was great.

The company was even better. I watched as everyone went from table to table conversing about the holidays, their kids or whatever came to mind. I found myself being called from table to table, group to group, only to hear the same question.

"How much weight HAVE you lost? You're looking SO much better."

First, it shocked me that so many were asking. Then I started thinking about it. Many of these folks have known me since I was a senior in high school. That's 22 YEARS. They've seen me gain weight, get married, gain more weight, have a kid, gain MORE weight, get separated from my husband, gain MORE weight, get back with my husband and... yes.. you guessed it... GAIN MORE WEIGHT. Bleh. OF COURSE they're noticing me loose it.

I have to say, it felt pretty damn good to say, "I've lost 53 lbs since July." I couldn't stop grinning. I have a LOT to be thankful for this year. The most important is the silent support and cheering section I have. I know they're out there rooting for me to loose all the weight I want and it feels great.

Eating to Survive...

I have something really... odd... going on. My blood sugars are LOW. Yesterday I crashed twice. Today I crashed again. Its been like this for a week... and its getting ... old.

Last night I had to eat a waffle and syrup before bed just so I could take my insulin. I mean.. COME ON! That's not terribly conducive to loosing weight.

We had BBQ hamburgers tonight. One patty, two slices of bread and a slice of 2% cheese is 6 points. I just had to eat a 2nd one so I could take my insulin... I've NEVER had to work this hard to keep my sugars up... its neat and a pain in the ass all at the same time. I'll be interested to see what my weight is tomorrow and I'll be calling the Dr. Monday to see what gives!

Mmmmmm Fall

Today has been a really nice day thus far. I was up till 3am.. ish. Which sucked. Husband was driving to Fort Worth for his monthly USAF Reserve duty. The traffic, due to the start of hunting season which... yanno... I TOTALLY DON'T GET!, was HORRENDOUS. It was bumper to bumper going out of town. Husband decided to go home and sleep for a couple of hours and head out around 9pm. Great idea except since he was driving so late I din sleep. I never do when someone I care about is traveling. I called him every thirty minutes to an hour to make sure he was still awake and not yanno... laying on the road somewhere after smashing into an 18 wheeler ... cough... (And I wonder where Shecky's imagination comes from heh).

I slept till almost 10am. Holy crap. That's unusual. I feel really great today because I actually got some sleep! I got up and Shecky and I made Caramel apples together. That was actually REALLY fun. The kiddo was drooling over them... hehehe... I made him wait till after lunch to have one. Evil Mama that I am.

Now I'm just kinda... chillin. Surfing the web, gonna read a bit, having just a lazy kinda day.

Weight loss wise its going pretty well. I was kinda bad at 2am. I had a donut. I wanted the sugar to help keep me awake. I counted the 5 points as my breakfast. Heh. Whut? It was after midnight and EVERYONE knows your points start over at midnight!!!!

For lunch I had 6 oz turkey sausage in a tomato sauce and onion gravy with 1 cup of rice. I've had a total of 16 points. Tonight for dinner it'll be Meatball Stew (ZOMG do I LOVE that crap! My Mom is the bestest cook EVAH!) with Cous Cous and some sort of veggies. I need to eat some yogurt and fruit today as well. I'm not feeling terribly organized food-wise today. Heh. Its kinda nice really.

Hope you're all having a great Saturday as well!

Dog Days of Summer

We are taking a day off from our exercise routine today. Mom is exhausted and I'm in some rather... intense pain. Instead, we're going to town. Going to shop at Wally-World, Walgreens, then moving furniture up stairs and cleaning it to get that area ready for the new beds being delivered this weekend...

Yeah.. Day off my arse! lol. Why does it seem there's ALWAYS something more to do.

You would THINK living at a lake, in the country, with my retired parents, would be... peaceful. Relaxing. Dull even. Ummm you would be WRONG. Dad has been busier since he retired than he was when he worked full time! He built this house on the lake. He runs a Daylily Farm called Dolollies Daylilies. He's constantly making work for himself. Mom runs the house and stays very busy with that. There's ALWAYS something to do. Its amazing how active these "old" folks are!

Every morning, around 9am, the community starts to come alive. You see couples walking for their daily exercise, kids riding golf carts, 4-wheelers, Rangers, bikes... whatever they can get their hands on. Often, instead of birdsong and other nature sounds you hear hammering, electric saws, tractors... its amazing. I thought it would be quiet, boring maybe. That'll teach me to think.

Everything Old is New Again...

This has been a wonderfully weird arsed week. I got an email from MySpace... and yes... I have a MySpace Page... bite me... that someone named "Prom Date" had sent me a message. Now, seeing the full first name of Prom Date I thought to myself, "Who the Hell is THIS?" (I get a lot of spam messages and friend requests from the Almighty MySpace) I read the message and it was from Prom Date!!!! Now, my Senior Prom was a long, LONG time ago *cough21yearsagocough* but my date was my very best friend and someone I loved with all my heart. I was completely stoked to have heard from him! We are now communicating through MySpace pretty much daily and I've now "met" his wife online and am looking forward to getting to know the woman that impressed him enough to take the plunge!

On the same theme, with a twist, I'm going to be living with my parents for the next year or so. R and J and I and my folks have all been talking and NONE of us really want me to have the gastric bypass. It scares us all witless as I don't heal minor injuries well much less something that invasive. Sheky and I are going to live here. I'm going to continue past the two months I have on medical leave from work and try to loose the weight by exercising in the water and dieting. With Mom as my nutritionist (She's lost well over 100 lbs herself) and Dad as my D.I. HOW can I loose? errr... Not Loose??? Oh, you know what I mean! R and J will visit as much as they can on weekends so I don't feel cut off from human kind living out here in the sticks (heh) and Sheky gets his wish to live at the lake. Should be interesting, no?

Tomorrow is weigh in day. I cheated and weighed Thursday and I was a bit annoyed. I had gained 3 lbs. However my clothes are DEFINITELY fitting differently. I think the weight gain is probably a combination of building muscle (My back and legs are supporting me MUCH better now thank God) and the water retention from the impending Aunt Flo visitation. Goody, eh?