Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Too Blessed To Be Stressed...

Ummm Not so much. 4:30am we were awakened by a call from my Nanny Deb. My grandmother lives with her. Grandma was having problems. Her blood pressure was 197/102 and her Oxygen level was only 85%. That's really high and really low for those that don't know. Nanny Deb wanted to take her to the ER. Grandma said she just wanted to be left alone to die. In the end, my cousin Jody convinced her to go to the ER by explaining that she wasn't DYING, per se, but that she'd likely have a stroke with her Blood Pressure being so high and wouldn't THAT just make the quality of her life SO much better? (GO JODY!!!)

She's been in the ER at the hospital since shortly after 7:00AM. We were told she'd been moved to the ICU... only... she's STILL in the fricking ER waiting on a bed to free up in ICU.

They've given her some nitre glycerin and her blood pressure is better. They're still admitting her though.

The kicker, my friends, is that today is the one year anniversary of my grandfather, her husband, passing away. Mom had planned to go to the cemetery and visit Grandpa. She didn't get to go. She felt like she needed to stay close to home in case they needed her for something.

As horrible as this is going to make me sound, I wonder how much of Grandma's health crisis today is due to it being the anniversary of his death. How much of it was her wanting to die because its the day he died and how much of it was her wanting the focus of today to be on her. (You would have to really know my grandmother to understand why I would even THINK this.) I feel like a really shitty person for wondering those things, but, I do wonder them.

Mom feels like she was robbed of the opportunity to reflect on her father's life and passing today. She feels like, this day, of all days, should have been about him. Yet, she's forced to put her focus elsewhere. I agree with her, but again, I have to wonder if it was horrible that it turned out the way it did. The focus of today became the living, not the dead. I'm not so sure that's such a horrible way to mark the passing of a man we all loved and miss.

Maybe, I'm just thinking too much....

3 comments:

liv said...

((hugs))

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Sandy C. said...

Sorry to hear. I hope we recovers soon...about your thoughts. Don't feel bad. I have a grandmother that I think about in that way too sometimes...we're only human.