I went to my meeting this afternoon. I was still feeling rather down about the low weight loss. As the other members of our at work group weighed I started hearing rumblings. "I only lost 1 lb." "I maintained, whoo." I realized I wasn't alone in my disappointment. I realized I was, in fact, NOT being realistic in my expectations. (Shock! Surprise! WHAT??? ME? NOT realistic in my expectations???? Bite me. Heh ) 1.4 pounds isn't a lot in relation to how much I have to loose. It IS a start though. I lost almost 6 sticks of butter. I said that to my mom on the phone last night but I didn't really see the value in it. It was like, "Well, it IS almost 6 sticks of butter..." My internal monologue went something like this, "AND? You need to loose like 1228 sticks woman. That's NOTHING!" (Yes I actually did the math. Calculators are a wunnerful thing.) This time as I run it through my head I realize that's a lot of fricking butter. Its fatty and greasy and guh! NOT IN ME ANYMORE. That's a happy thing.
I tend to try and look at the whole picture too much. I do it in almost all aspects of my life. Sometimes, its a great way to view situations. It lets me look at different angles and possibilities and play Devil's Advocate. However, I'm finding with weight loss all it does is leave me feeling overwhelmed and antagonized and anxious because I have SO much more to loose.
Here's my solution. I'm setting small goals for myself. My first Mini-Milestone is to be able to weigh at the regular meeting here at work. I have 16 pounds until I reach that goal. Normally, in the past, I would reward myself for meeting this goal with something food related. Dinner out, some decadent dessert, whatever. THIS time I'm gonna feed my passion. I love to sing. It makes me feel alive and "in my happy place". It makes me feel like I'm firing on all cylinders. I'm going to start singing again. Just here at home. I'm going to buy some Karaoke CDs for myself and use Shecky's Karaoke machine. (I figure SOMEONE should get some use out of it.) I'm going to start doing my vocal exercises again and I'm going to sing again and not be afraid.