Sunday, March 25, 2007

Here we go...

This is my first blog post EVER. I am many things to many people, but, I am not a writer. Any gramatical errors, spelling errors or blogging faux pas that I make will hopefully be forgiven.

Now that I've got the disclaimer out of the way I thought I might introduce myself and my family to you. I have a 6 year old son (we'll call him Shecky), a 38 year old husband (We'll call him R.), and an 18 month old long hair'd Dachshund named Mei-Mei. I'm sure you'll get to know all of us better than you ever dreamed, probably better than you ever WANTED to. Heh.

This blog has a specific purpose. I weight 457 pounds. I recently started Weight Watchers for the umpteenth time in an attempt to rectify my weight. I've tried liquid diets, beet diets, cabbage diets, starvation diets, low carb diets... you get the idea. I've attempted everything under the sun with little positive result. Recently, I figured out why. I had given up on myself a long, long time ago. I've had a weight problem all my life. Never THIS bad, but, its always been a fact of my life. I never used to let it stop me. I worked full time, had many friends, was a social butterfly. I used to go to Karaoke Bars and sing once or twice a week. I used to sing competitively and did quite well. I used to act in local "Little Theater" troupes. I was proud of who I was and what I did. Somewhere, somehow, I lost all that. I still work full time but I can't clean my house. I have trouble standing for very long. I hurt ALL THE TIME. I can't walk far. Climbing the stairs to get to our apartment winds me more than I can express. I never go out anymore. I only sing at home and even then its rare. When I go to Walmart I have to use one of those little scooter carts. If there aren't any available I wait. I KNOW people are laughing at me and mocking me, even if they aren't. I skip family functions when I know people I haven't seen in a long time are going to be there because I don't want them feeling sorry for me or worse yet, being disgusted by me. I don't know when all this happened. All this baggage is here and its real and its ugly and I have no idea where I got it from.

This blog is my way of holding myself accountable for loosing the weight and finding myself again. Even if no one ever reads it I've put it out here in the anonymous Internet and someone COULD. Putting this out here, admitting my weight publicly and laying my foibles bare for all to see is my first step to becoming who I once was and finally turning into the adult I wanted to be.

8 comments: said...

I'm listening.

Aimee said...

Hi Tessa,

I found your blog via a comment you made on mama pop.

I started weight watchers in December and have had success with it (so far). If you need a buddy or wanna chat, let me know. :)

Good luck!

Tessa said...

Hi Stephanie and Amiee! Thanks for looking in here.

Aimee-- I can always use a new diet buddy or friend. :) If you have AOL or AIM look up Peach Axegrinder... (don't ask heh) I'm around a lot.

Hope to see you guys around :)

Lauren said...

Hey hon!

I re-committed to WW again too, so I'm here for support!!

/e hugs

Robin said...

Hey girl,

You KNOW I'm here for ya. I'm still struggling with my weight too. It's nice to know we can work on this together.
Lots o' love to ya and R.

CK said...

Hi Tessa-

Good luck to you, darlin'. If you haven't found her already, can I direct you to the fabulous Dietgirl at Start at the beginning of her archives and work your way through. She's the best inspiration out there!

Tessa said...

Thanks CK. I'll check it out. I hadn't heard of her before. I'll be reading her tonight for sure. :)

Platoxia said...

Congrats on your self-realizations and steps towards becoming who and what you want to be.

Life's baggage has a way of building up slowly and often gets to the point where a negative view on life becomes a daily ritual that builds on itself. I should know, I've been a self-defeatist for a long time. Sometimes, even when we know better, we make take the wrong fork in the road; however, as with all roads, there is always a way back to the interstate. How long it takes to get back there depends on how far down the wrong road you have gone...determination is the key.

Lots of love to you and yours...good luck with your journey.