I can haz domain?

I HAVE A NEW HOME!!!! Thanks to my wonderful friend Dotlizard my blog has a new home. Please come see me at www.notameangirl.com. You can find me there from now on!

Teardrops on My Keyboard

I'm loosing someone very close to me. J is moving to another state. He got a promotion which is wonderful. It's a job he's been lusting over as long as I've known him. He has to move 3 states away to get it though. We'll keep in touch, I know. It won't be the same. I feel like my heart is breaking and I kinda want it to stop... a lot.

I have a headache from the tears... which are caused by the heartache... stoopid systemic sadness.

I feel like I've just been told someone I love is dying. WTF? I know that's not the case but... yeah. He reports to his new job in 2 weeks. Not much notice. Not much time.

Love you J. Gonna miss you more than you know. (Even if I DO wanna kick your ass occasionally. Heh.)

Hi Hi!

Hey friends! I'm sorry I've been such an absent bloggy momma. There's some exciting new stuff about to happen and then things should return to normal! Watch and see!

MeMeMeMeMe...MEEEEEEEEEE

My friend Perpstu over at PoppingBubbles tagged me for this MeMe tonight. As I'm in a funk while waiting for Shecky to FINALLY come home to me from Abilene I'm responding to it NOW:

What was I doing 10 years ago?
I was a customer service Diva for BlueCross BlueShield of Texas. I was becoming increasingly depressed as I neared 30 childless. I was diagnosed with Diabetes and High Blood Pressure and started trying to modify my diet and began taking medication for both issues.

What are five things on my to-do list today?
1. Clean the bathrooms
2. Laundry
3. Clean the Stove
4. Plurk and ChaCha
5. Watch the Olympic Opening Ceremonies

Snacks I enjoy:
Peanut Butter Oreos, Cinnamon Rasin Toast, Fresh Fruit Salad, green olives, Ruffles Potato Chips, Frito's.

Places I’ve lived:
New Bruswick, NY, Penn Hills, PA, Monroeville, PA, Port Arthur, TX, Nederland, TX, Abilene, TX, Houston, TX

Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
Pay off our debts, buy two new cars (one for HusbandGuy one for me), BUY A HOUSE, Set up a trust fund for my son, donate a sizable amount of money to a local batter women and children shelter anonymously, set up a self-renewing scholarship specifically for ADULT college students trying to achieve their dreams and invest, invest, invest.

I'm tagging the following people:

ALL OF YOU!

Depression and Me

It's a well known fact that I suffer from depression. MOST of the time it's under pretty good control. Like anyone I have my rougher patches, even when medicated, and it makes everything more difficult.

Unfortunately, my rough patches seem to come ever ohhh... 28 days or so. You know how they say its always darkest before the dawn? Yeah... in MY case... It's always darkest before Aunt Flo...

Honestly, I don't even like MYSELF when I get like I am tonight. I don't want to see ANYONE, yet, I want Husband and J within arms reach in case I get weepy. God HELP them if they speak to me though. I don't wanna do ANYTHING. I feel totally drained... and yet... I'm almost manic with this nervous, manic energy that I can't seem to rid myself of. I DO NOT LIKE ANYTHING. Nothing makes me happy. I burned dinner tonight... but it was still really tasty... but I was still PISSED because that wasn't how I'd envisioned the dish. Yeah... PSYCHO...

I'd just lock myself in a closet so no one else has to suffer my mood... but I dun even wanna be around myself.

PISS OFF PMS...

Straight Talk About My Numbers

Many people say your weight is just a number, as is your age. Yeah, I don't buy that in either case.

My age indicates my life experience. It indicates how much I've lived and how much I've potentially done. It's not a bad thing. It's not something to be dreaded. It just... is.

My weight, on the other hand, is a cruel, cruel mistress that I dread seeing and dealing with. It indicates how much I've failed. It shows how far off the mark I've been. It cries when it sees me coming, I SWEAR to you it does!

I have managed to gain 20 lbs in the last 2 months. First, it was the pain keeping me from moving much at all. The depression and fear that bring on the nervous munchies took over as the surgery date grew closer. After the surgery I felt WONDERFUL and I celebrated by eating whatever was handy.

Yeah, I've not done such a great job lately with that number. It's something I'm SUPPOSED to control... yet... more often than not, it controls me.

So... it's time again. I need to get off my ass and rededicate myself to my weight loss efforts. I have 2 weeks left here in Houston. Then I go back to the lake. I'm going to be more careful with what I eat and how active I am here for these next too weeks. I'll consider it a victory if I don't gain any more than I already have. Then... Katy Bar The Friggin Door.... It's ON my friends.