Holiday Train Rooooooooollin' In

My Grandfather passed away December 18, 2006. We put him to rest on December 21, 2006.

We are rapidly approaching the holidays and the 1 year anniversary of his passing and none of us seem to be handling it well. Mom is already having the random crying jags. Grandma seems to be getting more depressed. My Nanny is too. I'm sure its affecting the others as well.

One of my cousins, who was hardest hit by Grandpa's passing, is going through a similar problem this year. His Father In Law is dying of cancer. He's being care for by Hospice Care, unable to eat and just slowly drifting away. His wife is a wreck. He works out of state. They have 3 kids ranging in age from 17 to 6. I pray for them daily.

The thing is... THEY HAVE KIDS. So do I. Just like last year its necessary and important to make the holidays as normal and fun and familycentric (It is TOO a word! I said so!) as possible. Last year we went through the motions and I think we did a good job of keeping the holidays in tact for the kids. Reindeer Feed was made and scattered. Santa was extra generous. We had the huge traditional meal together. There was laughter in spite of what had just happened... even if there were still tears in our eyes and our hearts.

This year just seems harder.

I'm pushing the Holiday train on everyone just like last year and I feel like crap about it. I miss my grandfather, too. Shecky does as well. I'll be damned, though, if I'm going to let a natural part of life make the holidays hollow for my family for the rest of our lives. The kids deserve better. The adults deserve better. Hell, my GRANDFATHER deserves better. (He loved the holidays and everyone being together and all the chaos and laughter that came with the house being full with his family.)

Am I wrong to try to preserve this time of year for me and mine? (And by me and mine I mean EVERYONE from my kid to my cousins kids) Should I just let it go and make it as nice for Shecky as I can and forget about everyone else? Do I continue to try to make sure we're all together and celebrating the best we can because God only knows how many more chances we'll get to do so? What would you do?