I realized something this weekend.
I'm VERY bothered that it seems I'm so far behind in life compared to others my age.
Let me explain. We visited with some folks at the lake this weekend. We'll call them the Purples. The Purples are just a few years older than Husband and I. They are GRANDPARENTS. They are HOMEOWNERS. They are GROWN-UPS.
We, no.. I am not the first two and don't FEEL like the third. Shecky just turned 8. Most people my age have grand kids.... I feel sort of... out of the loop and left behind. How foolish is that?
Then, yesterday, I was conversing with my parents. Dad mentioned the fact that my brother was going to be a grandfather... my YOUNGER brother... and I was MORTIFIED. I was... JEALOUS. I was SAD. He had beaten me to that milestone by a long, LONG margin.
I wouldn't exchange my child for an older one. I don't want to wish away his youth. I'm THRILLED that he keeps me young and keeps me going. However, I can't help feeling like I've missed the bus somewhere and that I'm a failure at being an adult.
By the way, the age of my son isn't the only thing that makes me feel this way. It's just one that KEEPS popping up for me. :)
8 comments:
Um. Aren't you in your late 30s? Like me? I DO NOT wish to be a grandparent. Yet.
Grandparents who are in their early 40s? Seems really young to me, for both generations.
Although I do admire people who knew what they wanted when they were young. However. I needed more time to grow up and sort of get re-parented by life experience. Because if I had become a parent without the life experience of my early 20s? I shudder at the thought of what my kids would be going through today.
oh, great good goddess, I'll be 50 in November, and I'm still not a grandparent. I wouldn't want to be, either, since my firstborn just turned 20, and it would be more likely that the 14-year old would get a girl with child. :-)
seriously, none of this is a race. I see folks my age become grandparents, but I'm happy watching mine start high school and work through college. it's all good.
I blame the kitchen, not the lack of grandkids. A good kitchen with tons of storage and counter space (and no scary soft spot in the floor) would make you feel much more like a happy grown-up!
For every time there is a season. Enjoy the season you are in.
I think it's a good thing you are not a granny yet. If you were, that means there was at least one teen pregnancy involved, and people getting pregnant before they are fully independent and able to support another human being is, at least to me, a very bad idea. And about home ownership? I only own about 20 percent and especially these days, I'm worried sick I'm going to lose it.
THIS is why I post these things. You guys really make me stop and think. I hadn't thought about the fact that teen pregnancies were probably involved in most of these folks lives. It's become so normal for 40somethings to be grandparents that I've forgotten WHY they're grandparents! TY for the perspective. :)
Grandparent!!!! At 40???? No thanks. I'm glad I enjoyed my 20s sans kids. I wasn't ready for 'em then. There's a reason why I didn't have my first 'til I was 30. I didn't get it then, I do now. Yeesh. This is nuttin' honey!
Thinks **abbreviated** said it best!!
My mom was 18 when she and my father (deliberately) conceived me. They were divorced before I was 2, and she remarried my asshole of a stepfather who beat the fuck out of me.
I married at 20, had my daughter at 20. My pregnancy was a ~blessing from God~ because of my PCOS (i'm not likely to ever conceive without *help,* which we all know means I'd likely have a multiples pregnancy). I am grateful for my daughter, but I know if I had waited til I was 24, 28, 32 ... I'd likely still be married, have a better job, and be in a better place mentally.
I've told my daughter I would be disappointed if she got married before she was 24 (and done with her first 6 years of college), and I'd be even more disappointed if she was having kids before she turned 26, was married for at least two years, and had a full-time job.
I think parents who wait to have children are ~at least~ in a far better place emotionally than those of us who have them young!
xoxo
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