I Have A Date!

My surgery to remove the endometrioma will be 7:30am on July 16th. I'm stoked. If this takes care of all the pain I've been having ... OMG.

Can you say new lease on life?

House Keeping

Just a few things on this Sunday morning for y'all:

1. IzzyMom has been injured. Her foot is in a CAST y'all! She's gonna have to miss BlogHer. She is selling her 2 day pass for $200.00. That's almost $100.00 less than what they normally go for. If you're still looking for tickets go here. If you're not looking for tickets you might still go and offer her condolences for her misfortune.

2. HOLY CRAP! I'm up. I've got laundry going, dishes going, coffee made and Cinnabon Cinnamon Rolls in the oven. (Grands sells em in the refrigerated section... heh) I'm moving right along today.

3. Monday cannot get here fast enough. I wanna know my surgery date damnit. (Praying its not the end of next week. Shecky's birthday is Friday, damnit.)

4. Yeah... I got nothing. Hope everyone has a wonderful, family fun filled Sunday!!!

Surgical Precision

Yesterday I had my consult with the surgeon. He said I have an endometrioma. He's basically going to do another C-section and remove it.

OY! I hope it doesn't take a year to heal this time. That... would... suck.

I'm also considering having lap-band surgery on my stomach. Has anyone out there had it done? If so please email me with your experience? tessalemmons@gmail.com.

I also wanna give a shout out to my friends on Plurk for being there for me when I was wigging out about the consult AND for remembering when the consult was and posting a Plurk in support. You guys were a great source of comfort. You ROCK! :)

Paying My Dues

Many of you know, I spent the last year living with my parents. They have paid for virtually EVERYTHING for Shecky and I as far as utilities and food go. I have managed, with my savings, to pay for my medications, Dr visits and Shecky's activities/expenses for school.

Today, since I was back in Houston for a bit, I thought I'd do some real grocery shopping for the house. HOLY HELL! I spent $250.00 at Wallyworld for a week or so's worth of groceries and a few extras. (Like a coffee pot, coffee, filters...)

I was HORRIFIED at the cost of groceries. It made me stop and think how much money my parents have invested in my getting healthy. How much they want me to succeed at this long assed endeavor I've been on.

I just want to say one thing...

Thanks for your support Mom and Dad. It means more than you'll ever know.

Check it out...

Give them a listen and lemme know what you think?

Cooking Mama!

I LOVE to cook. I know, I've mentioned that before... However there's more to the story.

I love to cook, but, I HATE my kitchen. It's tiny. I'm not. 'Nuff Said.

Even if I WAS tiny... it's not possible to have both the dishwasher and the pantry open at the same time. It's TINY.

It also has a "soft spot" on the floor. It's right in front of the sink. Because this kitchen is so small that means its ALSO directly in front of the stove/oven. Now, when I say its a "soft spot" I mean the sucker flexes.. a lot. We are in a 2nd floor apartment.

Now, when you factor in my size, the weak floor and the fact that I'm on the 2nd floor... I HATE MY KITCHEN.

We've called the office here twice. The first time they said it was just a problem with the way the linoleum had been laid. They had someone come in and re-do it. Yeah... not the problem. The second time we contacted them about it, well, basically they shrugged and threw their hands in the air.

Sigh. If you hear a really loud crashing noise coming from the direction of Houston don't worry... its just me... cooking.

R.I.P.

George Carlin almost NEVER failed to make me laugh. He was my Zoloft before there WAS Zoloft.

Sadly, he left us today due to heart failure.

In memory of George Carlin... Thanks for all the laughs.

Mosaic of Me

Jennifer over at Thursday Drive has the mosaid meme going on. I thought I'd give it a shot. The rules are pretty simple:

• Answer each of the questions below.


• Surf over to Flickr (set up an account if you don’t have one–it’s quick and easy) and type your answers (one at a time) into the search bar.


• From the choice of pictures shown only on the front page, click on the one that moves you.


• Once the page with your picture opens, copy the URL.


• Surf over to the Mosaic Maker, set up your mosaic, and paste your URLs.


• Click “Create!”

The Questions:

1. What is your first name?


2. What is your favorite food?


3. What high school did you attend?


4. What is your favorite color?


5. Who is your celebrity crush?


6. What is your favorite drink?


7. Where would you go on your dream vacation?


8. What is your favorite dessert?


9. What do you want to be when you grow up?


10. What do you love most in life?


11. Choose one word to describe you?


12. Your Flickr name?
    

1. Tessa, 2. gris-gris gumbo ya-ya, 3. NL/Nieuwegein/BlokhoeveBridge # 3, 4. fabulous vintage French seafoam millinery, 5. Gina & Nathan from set of Serenity., 6. Today menu: Colorful fruit, 7. Calton Hill, 8. mango cheesecake, 9. Funk addicts, 10. Autumn walk, 11. A Storm Dwells, 12. Pompon is a... GIRL!

Let's see what YOU come up with!!!

Little Things...

Husband has created a habit over the years of surprising me with little things that made him think of me. In the past, its usually been Chocolate or some kind of sweet as that is my weakness. Since I've started seriously trying to loose weight he's been at a loss for what to buy on those occasions. It's been driving him nuts. He's trying really hard not to encourage me to eat things I shouldn't but out of habit he often buys those things that I should least have.

Well, Husband did something incredibly sweet today. He and Shecky went to the Woodlands Mall. He took Shecky to the Houston Museum of Natural Science there. Sheck had a BLAST. This allowed me to rest while I was having a good deal of pain today. Shecky got to dig for fossils and do all sorts of other things I can't remember because when he was telling me about them I was half out of it. (Ahhh Vicodin you are a goddess.)

They also went to Barnes and Nobles. Husband was aware of the fact that I was reading a new author. I bought a book of hers a couple of weeks ago and LOVED it... only to realize it was in the middle of a fricking series and I had then 2nd book... not the first. Last night, I bought the third. I was pissed because I could NOT find the first book. He found it for me and brought it home. :)

Now, for this next bit of my being spoiled today you have to understand one thing. I love to cook. I know I haven't talked much about that but living with my folks my opportunities to be adventurous with my cooking are... limited... at best. Dad like what he likes and doesn't really enjoy trying new things. Mom is happy to let him have his way. I get bored out of my mind.
I'm not a foodie by any means. I will NOT eat goat testicles or squid. I just can't bring myself to do it knowingly. I DO like to try different recipes and whatnot to keep things fresh.

Upon exploring The Woodlands Mall, he also found this place called Oil & Vinegar. They sell all sorts of flavored olive oil and balsamic vinegar. OH MAH GAH! He got me a cruet of each. Strawberry Balsamic which is going to be AMAZING over fruit or a nice fresh salad and some Garlic infused Olive Oil. Oh yeah... I'm using it tonight. Pan frying some chicken breasts seasoned with salt and black pepper and then dressed with some fresh lemon juice just before serving. Yeah it doesn't sound all that adventurous to me but OMG does my kitchen smell amazing!!!!

Edited to Add: OMG. He just took me out to the Woodland's Mall. That store is MADE. OF. AWESOME! I am now snacking on Pomegranite Olive Oil and Chibatta Bread. HEAVEN! I also got some Cherry Balsamic Vinegar to dress some fresh fruit with.... ::Drools:: I do not deserve him heh.

Also, I WENT TO THE MALL! Y'all I haven't been to the mall in 3 years because I couldn't walk. I walked that sucker and was FINE!!! WOOT.

Freedom! Freedom! FREEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOM!

I have lived in Houston for 5 years. (This year does TOO count! :P ) I have NEVER driven in Houston. NEVER.

Until, tonight. I drove myself to Kroger. I bought groceries for my family. I brought said groceries home to the family... BY MY SELF. No one had to drive me. I went when =I= was ready. I didn't have to wait for husband or J to finish what they were doing in World of Warcraft or for them to take a shower. I WENT ALONE.

I got to listen to the radio station =I= wanted in the car. (Ooops... I forgot to put it back on his station of choice. He's in a for a shock tomorrow morning heh) I USED MY BLINKERS. I flipped of the jackass that tried to steal my parking spot at the store. I WENT ALONE!

::does the Snoopy Dance of Happiness::

Ahhhhh....

I know I've been posting a lot of stuff like this lately and I apologize for how superficial and dull they may seem to everyone, but, for me these are major life milestones. ::does Snoopy Dance again::

Rubies and Garnets and Diamonds, OH MY!

I LOVE sparkly things. Rings in particular. I used to have QUITE the collection. I had an amethyst, several ruby, a pearl, a diamond and some others as well.

At some point in time, they stopped fitting my fat, stubby lil fingers.

Today, we found several of them. My wedding band and engagement ring are LOOSE. Like, don't wanna wear them for fear they'll fall off when I wash my hands loose.

We also found my two ruby rings. One, I have never been able to wear. It was too big for the pinky and too small for my right ring finger. I now have it comfortably on my right ring finger. The other, I used to be able to wear on my right ring finger. I am, at this very moment, wearing it on my index finger!

Small victories... they taste soooo good.

Must. Have. Must. Play. MUST. PLURK!

I have a new obsession. PLURK!

It's a little like Twitter but much more conversational and loopy. You MUST waste time this weekend checking it out!

You can find me there as NotAMeanGirl. :)

Cyst-o-maticly Falling Apart

I really hate it when someone says, "I have good news, and, I have bad news. Which do you want first?" However... I have goo... nahhh I'll just give it to ya straight.

I heard from my Dr. yesterday. I do have some evidence of endometriosis but not enough to cause the amount of pelvic pain I'm having. The culprit seems to be clusters of cysts on both ovaries. Yeah... CLUSTERS. WTF?

The ultrasound tech mentioned that I had A large cyst on my RIGHT ovary... then she clammed up. I mentioned that before but it is relevant so I'm re-iterating. Turns out it was NOT one big cyst. It's a CLUSTER of smaller cysts.... And I have them on BOTH ovaries. Love-er-ly.

Surgery is a possibility but they want to put me on birth control pills to see if that will handle the problem. I'm stoked that they want to try something other than surgery but... GUH. Birth control pills and I ... we're not really friendly. In fact, they tend to make me batshit crazy. BAT. SHIT.

Husband almost DIVORCED me cause they made me so nuts.

Funny story, when I was Senora Psychopath he was in the Air Force full time. He had worked 16 hours straight and was EXHAUSTED. He didn't even get his foot ALL THE WAY IN THE FRONT DOOR before I went OFF! I have no clue what about. Probably the color of the trim on the couch or something similarly important. Anyway, the poor man turned around WITHOUT A WORD, and went... back... to... the ... base. After a 16 hour day. I ... suck. He called a few hours later asking if it was safe for him to come home and I cried the ugly, snot filled cry apologizing and groveling.

Anyway, it'll be interesting to see how I react to the Yaz pill. If any of you have any experience with this one lemme know.

I have also scheduled the consult with the surgeon for the removal of that knot of scar tissue with the endometrial tissue on the top of it. It'll be June 26th. Seems like I may be in Houston for a while. :)

Trying to Step Out of the Black...

I have a serious problem. I've been fighting with depression all my life. It's worse at some times than at others. I take medication daily for it.

The problem is... I feel myself slipping away a little more each day lately.

I shouldn't be. I'm home, in Houston, with Husband, J and Shecky. I SHOULD be happier, right?

Yeah... not happening. I'm going to admit some things below that are really, not pretty, but I need to put them out there. I started this blog to make myself accountable for things so maybe, just MAYBE doing it with this will help me beat it back. Mah Blog is a big ole' stick to fight The Black.

Until this morning....

I hadn't showered since Thursday.
I hadn't brushed my hair in 2 days.
I didn't get dressed for 2 days.
I hadn't cleaned anything in the house other than dishes since Friday.
I have been eating crap.
I have not been counting my calories.


I forced myself to drag ass outta bed and fix these things this morning.

I still don't really give a damn though. That's the part that frightens me. I've been this way before, more than once. I pulled through but each time it was harder and harder to force my way out of it. Fake it till you make it only works for so long.

I hide it well. Those that don't know me well would never guess how empty I feel. How little matters to me right now. I hide it well. I don't know how NOT to hide it. I feel shamed that I care so little about much of anything... but I don't know how to fix it when I get like this.

Today... I'm going to count my calories and eat better foods. I'm going to clean, REALLY clean one room of the house, maybe two if I have the time and energy.

Today... I'm going to MAKE myself walk for exercise.

Today... I'm going to push through The Black.

Tomorrow... I'll start over and do it all again...

I just hope I don't have to keep pushing for too long. I'm not sure I have it in me to do it for very long anymore...

So... I was supposed to find out my ultrasound results Friday afternoon. They hadn't been "scanned in" yet. I had to call back this afternoon and try again. I called at 2:30 pm and got voice mail. I left a message asking for a return call with the resutls and...

Nothing.

I never heard back from them.

FOOKERS!!!

I'll call again in the morning.

I'm trying to not to call the surgeon until I have the results but... screw it. I'm calling him tomorrow too. I need this stuff to get RESOLVED.

Aunt Flo made her appearance today and I'm feeling like ass.

I apologize if I am doing a lot of whining lately. I just don't have it in my to be all happy, happy, joy, joy.

ow are YOU guys doing?

Come As You Are...

Sweetney put forth a challenge to everyone in the Blogaverse. Publish a picture of yourself AS YOU ARE RIGHT NOW on your blog.

You all know I have issues. Hate the way I look. I'm YOOGE. Blah, blah blah.... and that I have avoided putting a picture of myself out there for ever... well... today I'm sucking it up. Here's me, as I am now, all 388 lbs of me. No make up. Hair pulled back in a headband. :)

Doctor, Doctor... Gimme the News...

So, I'm back from the Dr. now. I got good news and bad news. The good news is that its not cancer or cancer related. WOOT!

The BAD news... is that its endometriosis. Anonymous commenter... you got it in one! The real kicker is some of the endometrial tissue is actually OUTSIDE my body. The knot on my c-section scar is indeed scar tissue. However, it is covered with endometrial tissue which is causing the knot to bleed. The endometrial tissue also has an infection. Lucky me. I'm now on a 10 day course of Bactrum. I have to have an ultrasound Thursday to have a look see at the internal endometriosis and then I have to go see a surgeon. Correcting this problem will take at least one surgery (removal of the knot and the endo tissue on and around it) and possibly a second one depending on what the ultrasound shows.

Surgery scares the crap outta me. It took me almost a year to fully heal my c-section. However, I like my odds a lot better with this than if it had been cancer.

BTW, friends, my Dr? Dr. Heid Nashed-Gurigris... is a goddess. I now have vicodin for the pelvic pain. Maybe I can function now when it acts up.

Thank you all for the good thoughts and prayers. Knowing you guys were pulling for me and praying for me made a difference in my sanity. ::Gives big cyberhugs to everyone::