Tuesday, September 18, 2007

How Low Can Ya' Go?

I want to apologize for my lack of posts lately. I seem to be loosing my resolve for a lot of things and I'm not sure why.

I seem to have hit a bit of a plateau with my weight loss. I'm more easily tempted to stray from the eating plan and yet at the same time I don't really want to eat... anything.

I'm still walking but its becoming a chore. Something I HAVE to do rather than something I WANT to do. My legs, they hurt. They're tired. So am I.

I have little or no patience with Shecky lately. I know he's tired after school but when I try to study with him or quiz him for a test its like he doesn't even try. He swears he's trying and he's focusing but I get more frustrated and angry each time he gives an incorrect answer.

I seem to be tired a lot. I'm sleeping well at night but during the day I just get so... listless. I don't want to do much of anything and when I DO make the effort to do something I'm just sort of... meh... about the whole thing.

WTF is WRONG with me lately? Is the single parenting getting to me? (Husband tries but he's not here for the day to day stuff that I get frustrated with.) Is it the lack of progress on the weight loss? Am I just going through a bit of depression again? If it IS depression do I just ride it out or do I talk to my DR about it? (By Dr I mean PCP not shrink. I dun have one of those... Mebbe I NEED one... bleh) Am I just tired of feeling alone all the time?

Husband and J are trying to make things as easy for me as possible. (J is someone very close to me and he and Husband share an apartment). They bought me a brand new laptop this past weekend and I was thrilled. Tickled pink. Unfortunately, the baseline BLEH I've been feeling is still there.

I've avoided posting in the hopes that this would just... pass. I didn't want to whine to the internets about how out of sorts I am but at this point... mebbe it will help. God knows not much else is!

I refuse to end this entry on such a downer. Here's a random story from when Shecky was a kid:

When Shecky was 2 or 3 he was OBSESSED... with Bob the Builder. I don't remember how he got introduced to that show, those characters, but he LOVED it. He was visiting my parents one summer while Dad was still finishing his build of this house. A friend of theirs was helping him. Shecky wandered out to where they were working and Dad introduced Sheck to his friend. Shecky, wide eyed and in awe, looked at this new person, holding a hammer, working on his Grandpa's house as my Dad said, "This is Mr. Bob." and then Shecky replied... "Bob... the... BUILDER!!!!" HE STILL calls him that... today... heh. Kids

{edited cause spellcheck doesn't catch it when I use the wrong word.. cough...}

7 comments:

Unnaturally Blonde said...

You can get through this. Maybe it would be good to talk to someone about what you are feeling, sometimes hearing yourself say something out loud helps it become clearer. Does husband know how you are feeling?

zdoodlebub said...

My husband travels a lot for work, sometimes he's gone for weeks. It gets very hard. He was gone for 12 weeks once and I went on meds for the first time in my life after the 8th week. I wasn't on it very long, but I needed it at the time.

And I was in my own house! I know you are at your parents...but still, not your own home. That compounded with how critical you are of yourself...

Talk to someone. Get help. I'm not a proponent of meds, but if it helps you get over a hump so you can ultimately achieve the long-term goal - the reason why you moved in with your parents to begin with...worth considering?

just sayin.

NotAMeanGirl said...

Unnaturally Blond- I'm hoping for exactly that. Some sort of relief or respite from all of it by putting it out there. Hubby knows what's going on... he reads the blog heh. (hi Husband!)

Zdoodle-- Yoikes. I didn't realize my hypercriticalness came across so blatently on the blog. LOL. Here I thought I was keeping that to myself pretty well. I'm going to give it a few more days then if I'm not feeing any better by then I'll find someone to talk to. Thanks to you both for the input.

Wendy said...

Hi!

I'm sorry that things seem to be so blech right now. Maybe you should talk to someone or even meds fo ra few weeks to help you get over the hump? Lexapro is said to help you lose weight, too. :)
I'm getting ready to join WW, we can be online buddies and motivate heach other! I've been walking, and my feet and legs hurt, too.
Hang in there!

zdoodlebub said...

Hey, we are harder on ourselves than anyone else could possibly be. I know it when I see it cuz I'm an expert at it myself!

Wendy said...

Check out my blog- there is something there for you:
http://wendydelmo.typepad.com/one_day_at_a_time/

GRAY MATTER MATTERS said...

Hey there, first of all, thank you so much for the props (the bloggy bling) it made me smile! As someone who deals with depression I'm actually a big advocate for meds. I think you have to have gone through it to have an opinon one way or another. A lot of people like to poo poo them, but I always say, listen, if you had asthma you'd use medication. If you had diabetes, you'd be on meds. Depression is a real disease, it is not something that just "passes" and you have NO IDEA what a massive change in my life it has made. I'd love the same for you. Talking with a professional is also very useful if you're able. Thanks again!