Whoo Hoo and Ummm... Ugh.

Today is starting out as a mixed bag. The good news is that my blood sugars were 139 this morning. Its a LITTLE high but its massively better than it has been in AGES. Even if I'm not seeing the weight loss I'd like WW is having a positive effect on my health! Whoo Hoo!!!

Food today, is a challenge. Last night I was having a LOT of pain so I didn't fix my food for the day today. I thought I'd just do it this morning. Well... THAT didn't happen. I was having some issues this morning and ran out of time. Here is my food for the day:

Breakfast:

Whataburger's Breakfast On A Bun: 15 pts

Lunch:

Whataburger Garden Salad w/ Cheese and Low fat Ranch Dressing: 11 pts

(We interrupt this post to bring you a mini rant: LOW FAT RANCH DRESSING with 22g of fat?? WTF???? I almost had a stroke when I read that. I actually asked for FAT FREE but the brain trust working the window... well... like they said in Lethal Weapon "They F**k you at the drive through!" Meh)

Snack when I get home:

1 Apple (1 pt)

Dinner:

I have no clue. I need something that will suck up the better part of 17 points. This is my thought:

2 Potato, Chive and Cheese encrusted Talipia Fillet: 14 pts
1 Cup Asparagus
1 Cup Corn : 2 pts
1 Philly Swirl Pop: 1 pt

That would be all my points for today. Lets see how it works out now. Heh.

PROJECT HOPE LAUNCH

Hey everyone! Today I launch my Project Hope. I put forth a challenge to everyone to find a way to make the world better. Some small thing you can do to improve the world for ourselves and our kids.

I know I was supposed to announce this yesterday but some things happened and I was unable to post. My Project Hope is going to consist of the following:

Every 6 months I am going to find books we've read. Clothes we no longer wear. Toys that are no longer played with and donate them to a local battered wives/children safe house.

Also:

Every Weds here on Mean Girls Need Not Apply I am going to post about something I found that makes me hopeful or something that is trying to make the world a better place. Organizations, other projects, acts of heroism, whatever I can find to help place the emphasis on Hope and on Looking Forward to a better future. If you want to nominate an organization to be highlighted or a person who's efforts you want to crow about just send me an email to tessalemmons@gmail.com and let me know about it!

The first Project Hope post will be next Weds. Keep an eye out!

Oy Vey!

Well, I've already fallen down on the job of posting my food daily. Yesterday was NOT a good day. We had a car accident during morning rush hour. ::shakes fist at 18-wheeler driver and pickup truck driver who were involved and didn't stop:: Everyone is fine but it caused a lot of chaos for the day. I ended up not eating until lunch. We went to Taco Bell on the way home from getting new tires etc. I, of course, didn't have my books with me and had no idea what was worth how many points. I ended up eating a Zesty Nacho and a Crunch Wrap. Dinner was better. I fixed venison and pork sausage in garlic tomato sauce with onions and rice. No veggies though. I also baked cookies for the Shecky. I found myself picking at the dough though. Bad day. I did, however, make some awesome tuna salad.

Today's food is as follows:

Breakfast:

1 Can Light Vienna Sausages (6 pts)
Baby Carrots (0 pts)
1 Tbsp SW Ranch Dressing (2 pts)

(8 pts total)

Lunch:

1/2 cup Tuna Salad (7 pts)
4 slices bread (4 pts)
1 apple (1 pt )
Baby Carrots (0 pts)
26 Flat Earth Garlic Chips (6 pts)

(18 pts total)

Snack:

Baby Carrots (0 pts)
1 Philly Swirl Pop (1 point)

Dinner:

1 60z chicken breast (6 pts)
1 C Carrots (1 pt )
1 C Lima Beans (2 pts)
1 C Whole Wheat Stove Top Stuffing (4 pts)
1 C Skim Milk (2 pts)

(15 points total)

Snack:

Philly Swirl Italian Ice (2 pts)


44 points for the day.

WOOT! I'll actually get them all in today!

Take Two

Tonight ... I weighed. That same frickin' 5 lbs is back. I didn't much feel like talking on the phone tonight. (Sorry Mom) I waited a while before I wrote out my post. I wanted to review my food diary, only, there wasn't much to review. I was really lax about writing my food down this week. I have no doubt that's what part of those 5 lbs. is from. That got me to thinking about what ELSE I hadn't done this week. I didn't take my medicine the way I was supposed to. My diuretic can't work if I don't TAKE it. My sugars won't stay level if I forget my shot and if I don't take my Reglan before I eat. Yeah. Not a good week at all.

Upon realizing all this I got really angry at myself. I know its no ones fault but my own. No one's responsibility but mine. Why am I sabotaging myself? Why do I keep undermining my efforts to loose all this damned bulk?

The really sad part is that this is a behavioral pattern with me. I get all revved up and ready to loose the weight and then ... it just sort of... dissipates. Why? R. told me he KNEW this was going to happen when my weight loss started so slow. He could see the frustrations building and the irritation growing and saw the "F*ck it" coming from miles away. Like I said, its a pattern.

Now I just have to figure out how to FIX it.

I started fresh tonight. I wrote all my food down that I ate today.

Breakfast:

2 Packets of instant oatmeal 2 points
1 C 2% Milk 3 points

Snack:

2 T Peanut butter 4 pts
2 slices Bread 2 pts
1 sliced Banana 2 pts

Late Lunch:

1 Can Light Vienna Sausages 6 pts

Dinner:

2 Talipia Fish Fillets 12 pts
Encrusted with Tortilla,
Lime and Chipotle
1 C Green Beans 0 pts
1 C Asparagus 0 pts
1 Philly Swirl Pop 1 pt

Snack:

1 apple 1 pt

Total: 33 pts

I want to stay between 34 and 39 points per day. Before bed I'll eat 1 slice of 2% milk cheese for my last point toward 34 and I'll be done for the day.

I don't know any other way to do this. I'm going to post what I eat daily on here for a while along with my thoughts and moods from during the day. Maybe I can find more even ground if I put it all out here.

I seem to have lost sight of why I started this blog. I really should go buy a gun sight, eh?

More Of The Same...

OK. My post yesterday about odd happenings during this week in history just got a little.... odder.

Today, an employee at NASA, here in Houston, took two hostages in the engineering building. He killed one of them and then committed suicide after a 4 hour stand off with the police and FBI.

Since MONDAY, schools in 28 states have received some sort of threat and caused the schools to lock down or be evacuated.

Here's the kicker...

April 20, 1889 Adolf Hitler was born...

Mebbe THAT was the start of it!

Thoughts I Can't Escape

R. made a comment to me that something was weird with this week in history. I want you guys to check this out:

April 16, 2007 Virginia Tech
April 19, 1993 Waco Branch Davidians
April 19, 1995 Oklahoma City Bombing
April 20, 1995 Massacre at Columbine HS

Four of the five biggest tragedies in our nation happened THIS WEEK... over the course of 15 years. It makes me wonder what it is, what caused this phenomenon. Is it Spring Fever? The end of a long, cold winter causing stir crazy people (or perhaps people with Seasonal Depression mebbe?) to suddenly act out? Was there a full moon on all these dates? Allergies got you down? WHAT??? It bothers me. Each of these events was caused by one or two people who just went batshit crazy. How many hundreds of lives were effected? How many parents mourning their children? How many children growing up without the guidance of a steady, loving parental hand?

I look at those dates, those events, and reflect on the horror each brought. I know the impact they made on me and I can only imagine what it did to the people directly effected.

The question that burns the hottest in my mind though is this:

What is it that drives us as a species to destroy our peers as we self-destruct?

Suicide is selfish. Yes. I once said its the most selfish act someone could ever make. I was wrong. Destroying other people by either killing them or leaving them as the survivors of your rampage and your disregard for life in general as you self-destruct in a ball of flaming "Glory"... that's the epitome of selfishness. That's the final act of ultimate narcissism and a perfect expression of the growing sense of entitlement that each generation seems revel in as time goes on.

How do we fix it? How do we make a dent? We start with ourselves and our kids. We fix those same flaws within ourselves and try not to pass them along to the next generation... Man... Shecky is NOT gonna like me much for a while.

I've Been Inspired... To Make A Difference

I was going to make a post about the events of the last few days. The shootings at the University in Virginia. The political pundits and NRA people spouting off about Gun Control pros and cons. The impact that its all making on me and those around me. Then I read this post at Oh, The Joys: Night She said it all much better and even found a solution to help make a positive impact on the world in her own way.

Instead, I have been inspired by Joy. I have a challenge for you all. I know I don't have a lot of readers but even a small group finding a way to positively impact others lives can be a powerful thing. Find something to do. Find a path that interests you that will allow you to positively impact our world. It can be environmental, human wellness, whatever. Just find a way to make a difference. I'm going to research some things and on April 24, 2007 I'm going to post again about what I have decided to do and I hope you all will post your plans to make a difference as well. :)

FINALLY... A 'Lil Progress!

Hey everyone. I want to apologize about the randomness of my posts. This week has been kinda of ... odd on the weight loss front. I did cut my points down as I said I was going to... for the most part. I've been stressing so much over the points, The Points, THE POINTS, that I lost some of my drive and my resolve. I ate carefully this week. I took note of everything I put in my mouth. I did NOT however, count the points. (Sorry Mom. I was determined to do this my way this week so I kept my mouth shut about how I was doing it.) I lost 5 pounds this week. While I do realize that at least 4 lbs of it was water weight (the 4 lbs I gained last week "Oh! Hello Aunt Flo!" Meh) I maintained at the very least. Tomorrow, I start counting points again. 34 a day, every day. I'm going to try not to tap into the 35 "Weekly Points" if I can avoid it. We'll see what happens next week.

Tomorrow's Menu:

Breakfast:

1 egg (2 points)
1 package instant grits (2points)
1 piece of 2% cheese (1 point)
1 Fat Free Yogurt (2) points
---------------------------------
7 points for breakfast

Lunch:

1 Turkey and Cheese Sandwich (5 points)
1 apple (1 points)
1 Tbsp Peanut butter (2 points)
1/2 cup Gardetto's Snack Mix (3 points)
---------------------------------------------
11 points for lunch

Dinner:

2 Potato, Chive and Cheese encrusted Talipia Fish Fillet (12 points)
Asparagus (Free)
Carrots (1 pt)
----------------------------------
13 points

Snacks:

1 Apple (1 point)
1 Fat Free Yogurt (2 points)
----------------------------------------
Total Points for the day: 34

The Secret Word Is....

Meh! I often wonder if I will ever, EVER have a day off without someone being sick. Shecky has the runny booty today. He started out coughing last night. It has since... EVOLVED. Meh

Meh! I have 5 batches of brownies yet to bake. Meh.

Meh! I live in Houston, TX... and my Air Conditioner is broken! MEH!

Meh! I'm waiting till tonight, when its cooler out, to bake said brownies. Meh!

Meh! Apparently the runny butt issue is ... contagious. Meh.

Meh! We're having pizza anyway. Meh.

Meh! R just left for his weekend reserve duty for the month and Shecky is pouting. Meh.

Temptation, Thy Name Is ==CAKE WALK==

Oh. Mah. GAH! I think my son's school is trying to kill me. (As time goes on, you'll notice I have a slight persecution complex. Heh. JUST BECAUSE I'M PARANOID DOESN'T MEAN THEY'RE NOT OUT TO GET ME!!!! Bwah!)

Seriously though. I was at work today. Answering calls. Getting yelled at by random people that don't have a CLUE what their fricking benefits are. Getting attitude from people who get paid less than me... and people who make WAY more. You get the picture. A normal, average, day. I decided to quickly sneak a peek at my personal email. What do I find? An email from one of the PTO Board Members.

Let me backtrack a bit. I am on the PTO Board at Shecky's elementary school. I am SO not a typical PTO mom. I'm not well put together. I don't have limitless energy or time. I DO however manage to get stuff done in a pinch. I am the Coordinator for the Homeroom Parent program at our school. I'm in charge of all the Teacher Helpers basically. We plan the 2 parties a year that the kids get to have. We help the teachers with whatever they need. I am the Homeroom Parent for my son's class as well as being coordinator for the whole program. Yes. Clearly... I have lost my cotton pickin' MIND.

Anyway, as I was saying I got an email from the PTO Board member in charge of our end of the year Carnival for the kids. We didn't' have hardly any donations for the fricking Cake Walk. I, of course, go into overdrive. After work we rush to Wally-World. I STARTED to buy 10 chocolate chip cookies and wrap them individually. Heh. That'll learn 'em to send last minute requests. Then... the guilt crept in. What kind of mom AM I? I went to the baking isle and got 5 box mixes of 5 different kinds of brownie mix. Then I got 5 OTHER box mixes for other things like Reeses Peanut Butter Bars, Pumpkin Cream Cheese Swirl Cake, Volcano Cake, Peach Cobbler, and Cinnamon Bread. I have made half of this stuff thus far. My house smells HEAVENLY... and I'm in Hell. The temptation is SOOOOOOO strong.

Thankfully, I know its all going to the school for the Cake Walk. Temptation can bite me. What's that? Oh no you Di'n! The Dark Chocolate Chunk Brownie Mix just hollered "Bake THIS Bizatch!" I gotta go beat some Brownie Ass!!!!

My Head Exploded Last Night...

I went to weigh in last night and thought my brains were going to leak out of my ears. I gained a little over 4 pounds. 4 POUNDS! What the hell? I followed the plan. I stuffed the points in until I thought I was going to fricking POP. I didn't cheat. I didn't fudge on my food diary and I GAINED 4 pounds. Can I cry now?

I'm so completely frustrated. I've tried to talk to the meeting leaders (Both at work and where I weigh) and all they really say is get in all your points. I've explained that I'm VERY inactive. I've explained that I have gastroparesis. I've explained that I truly feel I'm eating too many points for my level of activity and the complication of the gastroparesis. They just say "Make sure you eat all your allotted points. Oh! Make sure you get the 35 weekly allotment of extra points eaten too!" WTF? I'm sorry but that's RIDICULOUS! Its like they're programmed to push the plan and nothing else. Well... pardon my french but... Screw that. I'm dropping down to 34 points a day. Before they reworked the program and added points to every ones allotment 34 was the max number of points you could get. I've DONE the plan at that level. I was about 20lbs lighter then. It WORKED. So... MEH! Imma switch to that and see how it goes. I've got to do something. I'm starting to feel like its pointless and I can't allow myself to get into that mindset or it will NEVER work. Help!?!?

Snoooooooooooow on the water!

Woah. We had SNOW at my folks place in SE Texas Saturday. Snow! In TX! IN APRIL! Holy Pete. It was just beautiful. We looked out at the lake and Mom said "Its FOGGY on the lake! Wait... OMGTHATSNOTFOGITSSNOW!!!" A few minutes later there were these huge... CLUMPS of snow falling from the sky. The flakes were sticking together on the way down forming these ginormous flakes. There was no WAY you weren't gonna notice THAT snow! My dad grabbed my son and took him outside to catch flakes on his tongue. It was probably the single cutest thing I've ever seen my dad do. Next thing we know people are running down the street to do the same thing. It was so VERY awesome. (I know that word gets overused but this TRUELY qualifies.)

Aside from the Easter Egg Hunt that my son collected the most eggs of anyone at and won a prize for. (INCLUDING the big kids, he was SO proud.) Nevermind the scavenger hunt in the freezing cold. (Which he lost, horribly and was so very disappointed about. Ahhh the Manic Depression of a 6 year old who's competitive!) FORGET the fact that my brother and his family were there to share the holiday with us and that we so rarely manage to all be ANYWHERE at the same time. SNOW! Holy... Yeah. This is an Easter our family will never EVER forget. I hope you all had one just as grand!

Happy Easter!

I hope everyone has some time set aside to spend with family this weekend. I know I do. I'm leaving tonight to go to my folks place on the lake. Their community is having a YOOGE weekend for the kids. Easter Egg Hunt, Scavenger Hunt, Decorating Easter Hats/Bonnets, A Spaghetti Dinner. Shecky is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO looking forward to it. Sunday we are celebrating my brothers 37th birthday.

Fortunately, its actually EASIER to eat well when I'm at my folks. Mom has lost over 100lbs on WW and she's maintaining. She has all sorts of recipies and stuff and she and Dad are both very supportive of my efforts. I learn a lot of tricks from her. She's a pretty savvy lady.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. I'll be back sometime Sunday.

A New Day, A New Way

It's me again Margaret... (Ray Stephen's shout out for those that don't get it) I'm back and I'm still working the program. I'm trying something a lil different this week. I was really REALLY bummed about the low weight loss last week. I've reworked the way I'm doing the program and we'll see if this works better for me. Instead of snacking on cheese cubes, turkey peperoni, crackers, and whatnot I'm bringing sandwiches to work with me. Today I have 2 turkey and cheese sandwiches on Whitewheat bread (5 pts a piece) and 2 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (1 Tbsp peanut butter 1 Tbsp jelly on Whitewheat as well for 4 pts a piece) I ate a yogurt before I left the house (2 pts) and brought 2 apples and 1 C of Gardetto's Snack Mix with me (1 point each for the apples and 6 pts for the C. of Gardetto's.) Eating all of this I will have used 28 points by the time I get home, leaving me 16 points for dinner and a snack tonight. Not TOO bad. MUCH better than I've been doing. The points are spread out more during the day and I'm not eating CONSTANTLY, though at times it still feels that way. So far I've had half the Gardetto's and 2 sandwiches (one of each type). I'll be eating an apple shortly.

Part of my downfall, I think, has been a lack of planning my meals. I'm HORRIBLE at that. I kinda fly by the seat of my pants more often than not when it comes to mealtime. I grab whatever is handy and easy and just go with it. I have to STOP doing that. I'm realizing that paying attention to my points intake isn't the only thing I have to do. I need to pay attention to the foods I'm eating as well. I've been trying to do that but I have to make it a priority. Knowing that the 13 points I'm about to inhale at Arby's prolly isn't my best food choice and doing it anyway isn't good enough. I have to MAKE the better food choice and plan my food throughout the day so that I don't necessarily HAVE the 13 points to spare on Arby's. A step toward that!!! Today at work they gave us lil plastic eggs fulla candy. I gave mine away without a 2nd thought. WOOT! Tonight is Fish (Salmon marinated in Teriyaki), Asparagus and prolly Carrots. I'm going to fix some chopped steak, mashed potato's and carrots for the family to gnash on.

**Edited to Add: Guh. I said all that and then.. boom... Someones birthday here at work. I spent 4 points on a piece of B-day cake that was 1/2" square. (Of course, had it been from ANYWHERE else but Anastasia's I wouldn't have done it.) It was a CONSCIOUS choice to have it though. I walked over to the cake and cut the piece myself. Got out my book and wrote my points in it. I don't feel BAD about the choice which is something new. I know it wasn't the healthiest choice but my GOD... it was worth it. Heh. Best Cake EVAR!

**Edited again: They are trying to kill me here at work. LOL... Management has supplies Frito Chilli Pie and Chilli Dogs for everyone. Imma not biting though. Smells WONDERFUL!

20 Questions... Well.. 5 Really.

There's a 5 Questions MeMe going around the Internet blogging communities. Another blogger sends you 5 questions as an interview. I BEGGED Joy over at Oh, The Joys (one of the funniest fracking blogs out there) to interview me. These are her interview questions and my answers:

How did you meet your significant other and when did you know he/she was THE ONE?

I met him online. Now days that's not an uncommon occurrence at all but 16 years ago it was. He drove me insane arguing the opposite point as me on a debate Bulletin Board System (BBS). I HATED him. We met face to face the first time at a party that was thrown for me when I went to his town to meet a bunch of folks from that BBS. I thought he was the most pompous arse I'd ever met. We got into a "Cut Down" battle of words. LOL it got so bad people left the room. We ended up spending the weekend together. I knew he was the one for me... when I found out he was going to Iraq, which was a war zone at the time. My heart stopped and I think I threw up in my mouth a little.

How would you characterize the person you were in high school? In college?

In High School I was very "artsy fartsy". I was in the Theater Arts Club and Class. I was in Choir. I used to compete in both. I took Sociology and Psychology. I wrote really, REALLY bad poetry. I wasn't a part of any particular clique. Everyone knew me. A lot looked down on me but were never mean to be cause I was "That goofy, goody goody, very sweet theater/choir geek."

College... Heh. I started college at 16. I went the summer between Jr. and Sr. year of High School. (GEEK I tell you) It was more of the same... with booze being one of my 4 food groups... I don't remember a lot about college truth to tell. ('Cept for this ONE tree that was my BEST FRIEND at the frat parties... it held me up... a lot. heh)

Tell us about a time in your life when you felt ashamed.

Now actually. I'm ashamed of my size and of the fact that I can't seem to get it together enough to make Weight Watchers work for me. (I only lost 0.2 lbs this week. WHAT THE FRICK?)

If you could ask a genie to grant you three wishes, what would your wishes be? (Wishing for more wishes is not allowed.)

I'd wish for success for my child in all that he chose for himself.
I'd wish for R. to get a job making enough money and with good enough insurance that I could stay home and concentrate on loosing weight and taking care of my family.
I'd wish that Joy finally had a Park Ranger Uniform fall into her lap. (While on her hubby no less HAH)

Do you contest that the National Park Ranger Uniform is the sexiest uniform there is and, if so, what uniform would, in your opinion, trump that of the Park Ranger?

Sorry Joy. The whole Park Ranger thing isn't for me. Gimme a Marine in Dress Blues... Holy Hell.. talk about HOTT!!!!

If anyone wants to be tagged for this MeMe just holla in comments. :)

The CDC Can Stand Down...

The epidemic has been averted! Shecky is doing much better. His fever broke late yesterday and he's been a wicked crazy lil' ball of energy ever since. I know I haven't mentioned this yet but we have a roomate. We'll call him J. He's someone very close to me and now HE is sick. It seems to be just a cold though. No hurling of viscus fluids thus far. I keep chasing him around the appartment with a can of Lysol as he curses me. Heh!

The Weightloss Front has been a bit... dodgy this week. I'm still having a really hard time getting all my points in. Tonight I had only eaten 13 of my 44 points by dinner. I had to scarf 31 points tonight. Bleh. I feel overfull and bloaty. I have to admit though, I've been less focused this week. I've been hurting a LOT and with Shecky being sick the last couple of day's trying to make him feel better and keep his mind off how he feels has been a full time job and has taken most of my focus and energy. I KNOW I need to keep focused on my eating but I find it really difficult at times like this past week. I'm learning more and more things that irritate the condition causing the pain. (As I'm eating healthier some of the higher fiber items and things like nuts, sesame seeds, whole oats and grains are causing an increase in the pain.) I'm phasing them out but loosing the nuts hurts a lot. Cashews are 4 points per serving. They were a great protein boost as well as mostly healthy points boost but they just wreak havok on my system. If anyone has any suggestions on things I can do/eat to up my points intake I'd appreciate it greatly!

Tomorrow we do grocery shopping again. I'm going to get some Whipped Peanut Butter (if I can find it), White Wheat Bread, some All Fruit stuff (to take the place of Jelly) and some more fruit and veggies. I'm thinking some lunch meat as well. Mebbe sandwiches for lunch would be better than the 6 point frozen dinners. Not sure but we'll see.

I want to leave you with this joke that R. said to Shecky tonight at dinner:

R.: What does a duck say?
S.: Quack?

R.: What does a horse say?
S.: Neigh.

R.: What does a cow say?
S.: (Looking at his dad like he's bonkers) Moo

R.: What does a turtle say?
S.: (Looking at R. like he should be in a home for senile people) Nothing!

R.: WRONG! They say KOWABUNGA!

DAMN them for making another TMNT movie! Damn them to bad sci fi moviedom!