... But I don't feel fine...
I have a situation that I'm not sure how to address.
I've mentioned Shecky's Godfather before, Unca B. I failed to mention that he has something called Wegner's Granulatomasis Vasculitis. It's bad. It's difficult. It's... well, basically it's killing him. It's attacked his kidneys, his sinuses and now its begun an assault on his lungs. He has nodules and scarring and is now exhibiting pleuresy like symptoms... only... not pleuresy. Last Tuesday he wound up in the ER unable to breathe. Tonight on the phone he sounded like ass. Warmed Over Ass, to be precise. I thought he was tired... but no... he's having problems breathing.
I have to tell you, I love this man with every piece of my being. I have for a long time. He's my best friend, my biggest support and the first one to call bullshit on me when its needed. I'm scared taht he's dying. No, I KNOW he's dying. I'm scared that its happening WAY faster than I'm ready for. I'm not sure how to deal with that.
That's not really the problem. Shecky LOVES Unca B. Like, HERO WORSHIPS the man. How do I explain it all to him? or... Do I at all? Do I just tell him he's sick and leave it at that? Do I say nothing and when the end comes just tell him he's gone? Can I just leave the child a note? Yeah, I know... Bad Mommy. I'm just at a complete loss on this one. Dealing with my own feelings about his illness is impossible... How do I do it for him?
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3 comments:
ooof. this is ridiculously hard to deal with. i think you have to tell your boy that Unca B. is very ill. you need to give him time to see and understand, so that if the end comes, he'll have had time to say goodbye. this is hard stuff, and not the kind of thing that little boys should have to know about. you're in my thoughts.
Thinking about the conversation is way harder than once it is in progress. Because right now you have no idea how Shecky will react. But you will find the words. And I think you will be surprised by the wisdom, resilience and peace that he will have. He's got a foundation of love in you...so, while this will be hard and terribly unfair...you know what you need to do. Prayers and hugs. So sorry for you.
My heart goes out to you. Am so very sorry he's going through this. So sorry you are too.
I don't have any answers for you. Wish I did.
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