Weekend Wrap Up

Sorry about the lack of post yesterday friends. I was exhausted and fell asleep while sitting up in a chair... waiting for Shecky to go to sleep... at ohhh... 9:30pm.

Yesterday was a LOOOONG day. We had a basketball game at the school which means I worked up there all day. I left the house a 8am and got home around 4. Bleh. I did have some great conversations with some of the other mom's there though.

We walked into the house and OOF... the tension! It was horrible. The parental units had been fighting all day. Made for an uncomfortable rest of the day. It's prolly a good thing I passed out dead to the world as early as I did.

Shecky's team ALMOST squeeked out a win. At one point the score was 8 to 10 in favor of the other team and I was SO excited. Final score was 8-12... However, I don't feel so bad about the near miss. I found out shortly after the game it was THEIR first win ever. They prolly needed it more. :)

Today has been kinda.. meh. I weighed in this morning and I'm.. at 401. I gained. I was so pissed off. Mom thought I should go up to 35 points because of the added exercise. I managed to do it this week and I GAINED. Yeah... we're going on core tomorrow.

I exercised in the pool today. Immediately after Shecky joined me and we horsed around for another 30-45 minutes playing Marco Polo and trying to surf on his kick board. Heh.

That's pretty much my weekend in a nutshell.

Go Here...

... If you wanna laugh yer ass off. I LOVE this woman.. really I do. I'm so glad I'm not the only one that does shit like this!!!

Random Ravings of a Rubenesque

Short random comments on stuffs...

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SURVIVOR Favorites Vs. Fanatics started tonight! WOOT!!

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WW Friendly Chicken or Turkey A La King:

Chicken or Turkey A LA King

1 lb baked or boiled Turkey or Chicken
½ Cup Flour
½ Cup I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Spray
5 Cups Skim Milk
1 Can Green Peas
2 Tbsp. Better Than Bullion Chicken Flavor
Salt and Pepper to taste.

In large pot combine flour and I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Spray. Stir until flour and spray are incorporated. Add Skim Milk 1 Cup at a time incorporating into flour mixture. Boil until it begins to thicken. Add Chicken or Turkey and allow meat to heat through. Add Green Peas. Season to taste. MUST STIR CONSTANTLY FROM BEGINNING TO END OF RECIPE.

Serve with biscuits, rolls or bread and a salad for a complete meal.

4 points per cup.
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I did my Valentine's Day shopping today. Found some GREAT stuffs!

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I HURT. My calves and my hips are performing slow torture upon me. Phuckers!

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My son's school is trying to bankrupt me one quarter at a time. Candygrams, Crush Cans, Tee Shirts, Cookbooks... and he wants it ALL!!!!

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Have you ever wondered why Woodchuks WOULD chuck wood?

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I feel like I have ADD tonight...

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SURVIVOR WAS ON ... wait... already did that one...

I'm fresh outta ideas I guess! heh. Have a great night.

POST NUMBER 200!!!

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Yer getting a MeMe. Heh! I exercised in the pool late today. Like... 9pm late. My calves... they hurt. My brain... its fried. Yer gettin a MeMe heheh.


I was tagged for a book MeMe by brneyedgal967 over at The Color of Home. She's got a rather scary ongoing saga right now. Her poor Chappy, an ADORABLE doggy, was attacked by a coyote and is in pretty bad shape. So, out of pitty for her plight... I'm workin' out the MeMe. (That and I frickin LOVE this things... I'm a freak. I know it.)

The rules are simple:

1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people.

The book nearest me is Switching Time by Dr. Richard Baer. It describes his treatment of a woman with 17 personalities. It's an EXCELLENT read even though the quote I'm about to post is kinda... meh.

"But how did you get hurt?"
Karen looks at the floor and shakes her head. "I don't remember."
"Some other part was out?" I ask.

I really, really enjoyed this book and strongly recommend it to anyone that is interested in psychology or MPD.

I'm tagging:


1. Lizarita over at .. Oops!
Did I Say That Out Loud? 'cause she's just that awesome.

2. La Liv over at Madness, Madness I Say ... mainly cause I wanna see what she reads heh.


3. Midwestern Mommy over at. ahem... Midwestern Mommy. She's someone I really enjoy reading and I wanna know MORE MORE MORE.

4. Flutter over at Flutter: Dark and Divine. She's SO Divine!

5. Wendy over at One Day At A Time... cause I like to bug her with silly things!

So... there ya go! MeMe complete! :)

...

...

I got nothing. Feelin' kinda punk... just gonna say goodnight. G'night Moon... err... yeah...

The Sound...

of Silence.

Shecky is at school. My parents just left town and won't be back until sometime tomorrow. I'm sitting here... basking in the silence and the peace. Living here has been a blessing. It saved my life. However, its damaging my calm. (Gold star for whoever gets the movie reference.) Dad is always yelling and complaining and bitching. Usually its about nothing. Rarely is it ever justified. Mom is usually this bundle of nerves waiting for Dad's next explosion. Shecky is a ball of noise and energy with spurts of whiney cajoling and inane non-sequitors.

It's lovely to have the place to myself...

So, why is it that I'm bored after just 30 minutes? Sigh...

Eating Crow...

... No... it does NOT taste like chicken.

First, I'd like to apologize again for my post last night. Honestly, I'm not normally like that but WOW I was just... a raw, exposed nerve last night. I went to bed early and I'm feeling much better today.

I weighed in this morning and.. ummm... well... I lost 6.5 lbs. I'm now BELOW 400 POUNDS!!! My current weight is 397 lbs. Holy... Schnikies!

I know I still have a lot, LOT of weight to loose but getting below 400 is a YOOGE milestone for me! This is the least I've weighed in 3-4 years.

Now, I have to look forward and hit my next goal... 375 lbs. 22 lbs to go!

Thank you all for sticking with me through this journey and listening to me bitch, whine, cry and moan. Thank you for being a part of me saving and getting my life back. :)

FOUL....

yeah... that basically covers my mood.

I'm CONVINCED that I'm not going to loose tomorrow at WI. I've been exercising daily. I've been following the plan. However, we upped my daily points to 35 because of the hour or more of exercise in the water.

I don't feel it folks. You know how you can just TELL you're not loosing. YOU KNOW... YOU KNOW its just. not. working. Yeah. I'm there.

My frustration level is like... ::points to the moon:: THAT HIGH right now. I didn't even wanna eat dinner tonight. Mom finally forced the issue and I had 2 eggs on toast and a toasted cheese sandwich... for which I got yelled at about the amount of bread...

Yeah... everything is on my nerves. I SHOULD have had a visit from good ole' Aunt Flow like... Monday... but she's not shown up yet. I know I prolly have PMS and that's why my temper is on such a short fuse but ... I don't even like MYSELF right now.

And NOW? NOW!!! NOW I wanna eat like... EVERYTHING. I tend to do that. I'll not want to eat when I'm toward the end of PMS and when I finally DO eat... ZOMG I don't wanna stop. So, now I'm fighting that urge.

I'd just go to bed and sleep it off but... errrmmmm... its only 8:12pm... way too early.

HATE.EVERYTHING.RIGHT.NOW!!!



***Please excuse this rant. I HAD to get it out or I was going to strangle someone in this house and... honestly... I REALLY dun wanna go to jail.

Fed Up Friday

Over at Suzanne Says... she has a feature called "Fed Up Friday". The point of it is to blog about whatever has been On. Your. Last. Nerve. for the last week. She's invited the rest of the Blogaverse to join in with her and vent, vent, vent! I LOVE this idea and I'm going to adopt it. Friday's 'round these here parts are for venting. Me venting. YOU venting in comments. Just a veritable Vent-o-rama! Heh.

I'm So Tired...

of feeling helpless. I HATE it. I've gotten into this mindset that I can't control anything. My weight and health problems, the lonliness I've been feeling, Shecky's whineyness, Unca B's health problems, all of it is just beyond my abilities these days. I'm sick of throwing my hands in the air with frustration because I feel overwhelmed. I'm just... so... OVER it.

Even more though, I'm over the NEED to control everything. I know that some of it is, really, within my ability to control. The weight and Shecky's Wine and Cheese Fest in particular. My health problems will dissipate as the weight goes down.

The feeling so lonely though... yeah... I got nothin'. I talk to J and Husband daily. I live with my parents who love me and my son who is the light of my life. Yet, so much of the time I feel... empty. I don't mean devoid of emotion but more like... needy. Needing affection. It bugs the crap out of me that I NEED that so very much. I do though. I NEED the cuddles, the gentle touches all that shit or I start feeling helpless and worthless and just... undeserving of anything positive or good. WTF IS THAT ABOUT?

A better question is how do I keep the lack of those things from pulling me down into this morass of meh?

Wait, A Minute...

... You know you make me wanna, Shout! Oh, how I wish that were true.

It's not often I get serious or political here on my blog. I know a lot of what I post is just random, stream of conciousness stuff and not very titilating or interesting. That's just my life. I LIVE IN THE WOODS for pitty's sake. Not. A. Lot. Going. ON! Heh.

However, today I'm going to stray on to the political and serious path.

I posted earlier on how I was torn because I didn't know much about any of our candidates participating in the bid for POTUS.

First, let me say I'm neither a Democrat or a Republican. I am not someone that votes on party lines. I try to vote my conscious and put my vote toward the people I believe will address the issues that are currently the most important. That changes often from election to election.

I got on the WWW and found out some stuff. Over at CityMama and MOMocrats I have found a n abundance of information and food for thought. Unfortunately, John Edwards, the horse I had finally chosen to back, dropped out of the race yesterday. I firmly believe we need a Democrat as POTUS for the next 4 years. I'm now at a crossroads.

I WANT to like both Barak Obama and Hillary Clinton. I just... don't.

Let me start with Mrs. Clinton. First, I don't have a lot of faith in anyone named Clinton. I didn't like a lot of what went on when Mr. Clinton was our POTUS. I realize a lot of it was his "Personal Life" being made public but... it makes it difficult to put faith in either half of that team and put the fate of our country and my child's future in their hands.

Having said that... she's got a lot of really good ideas and isn't afraid to put the details of how to fund and implement them out there for us to see. Her official website has a lot of information on said details. Just click on the header for the topic you want to know about and it spells out a lot of her plans. However, I'm not naive enough to believe that, if they are more than just lip service and empty promises, I will even recognize them if she were elected and these items of her agenda were pushed forward and implemented. Unfortunately, too many fingers will be in those pies and likely a lot of it will be changed until it doesn't resemble her original ideas.

Barak Obama is our other possibility for the Democrats Candidate. His official website has a message of hope. Everything he's talking about brings about warm fuzzy feelings that things can be better. I'm not finding a lot of substance to his ideas though. They seem much more vague than Mrs. Clinton's. There's less detail, less substansive evidence that he knows what he wants to do and HOW he wants to do it. That makes me a bit... nervous.* I also feel like he lacks experience in the venue of Foreign Policy. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing at this point. Often times, I feel we medle too much in other countries business and don't put enough focus on the problems that exist in our own country. I'm bothered, and yet not, but this aspect of Mr. Obama.

Maybe I've become too jaded about politics and politicians. I remember when I was 18 and first entering the world of political activism. I found a candidate for State Senate that I truely believed in. I worked on his campaign and did everything in my power to get him elected. My very first time in the voting booth I had someone I wanted to vote FOR. Today, and in the elections of the past oh... 26 or so years, I find myself voting against the biggest evil rather than for someone I believe in. Ahhh, youth. How I long for the optimism and beliefs you brought to me.

Help me friends. Who do you back? Tell me why. Help me find a reason to vote for someone rather than against. Help me find that optimism that change can occur for the better and that I can be some small part of it.



*I realize, based on my comments about not having a lot of faith that Mrs. Clinton's ideas would be recognizable if ever implemented the above comment makes me seem like a hipocrate. I just prefer to know they do have ideas and details at the ready for their plans.

**Please forgive any words spelled incorrectly. For some reason Blogger's spell check feature isn't working for me. Meh.

It's The End Of The World As We Know It...

... But I don't feel fine...

I have a situation that I'm not sure how to address.

I've mentioned Shecky's Godfather before, Unca B. I failed to mention that he has something called Wegner's Granulatomasis Vasculitis. It's bad. It's difficult. It's... well, basically it's killing him. It's attacked his kidneys, his sinuses and now its begun an assault on his lungs. He has nodules and scarring and is now exhibiting pleuresy like symptoms... only... not pleuresy. Last Tuesday he wound up in the ER unable to breathe. Tonight on the phone he sounded like ass. Warmed Over Ass, to be precise. I thought he was tired... but no... he's having problems breathing.

I have to tell you, I love this man with every piece of my being. I have for a long time. He's my best friend, my biggest support and the first one to call bullshit on me when its needed. I'm scared taht he's dying. No, I KNOW he's dying. I'm scared that its happening WAY faster than I'm ready for. I'm not sure how to deal with that.

That's not really the problem. Shecky LOVES Unca B. Like, HERO WORSHIPS the man. How do I explain it all to him? or... Do I at all? Do I just tell him he's sick and leave it at that? Do I say nothing and when the end comes just tell him he's gone? Can I just leave the child a note? Yeah, I know... Bad Mommy. I'm just at a complete loss on this one. Dealing with my own feelings about his illness is impossible... How do I do it for him?

Mother Knows...

not so much...

Shecky has been driving me INSANE the past few days. Temper tantrums, whining, crying, and fit throwing from dawn till dreams. I've been at my wit's end with the child. I've tried threats of grounding, threats of early bedtimes, threats of no "treats" before bed... and then I followed through on all of them. (Ok.. not the early bedtime one. But all the others!) I've cajoled, screamed, beat my head into the table... (Oh... not really that last one... not LITERALLY) and this morning I reached my limit.

I told him NO MORE. If he has an issue he can TALK to me about his problem or what he disagrees with but I will NOT accept any more of the above behaviors... THAT. IS. IT!

Yeah... he whined a bit about doing his homework and a bit more when we went over some papers he'd done in class and made not so great grades on (Read D's) but he was much better tonight. He seemed... subdued though. Sad, really.

That got me to thinking. I've spent the last few weeks basically feeling like ass. I've dealt with everything from menstrual cycles every 2 weeks to a full 7 days of blood sugar crashes... sometimes multiple crashes a day. All my energy was going to just getting... through... the... day.

My patience levels have been really LOW as well. I've been yelling a lot more at him rather than directing and correcting him. Shit. It finally hit me...

The whining, fit throwing, crying and foot stomping increased over the last few weeks. The less attention, of the POSITIVE type he got... the more he was acting out and bratting up my air space. Frick, Frick, FRIKKITY, Frick. It was my fault. He's just a lil' boy no matter how grown up he seems sometimes.

Tonight, we played a bit on the XBOX 360. We watched American Idol together, curled up on the couch. We goofed off together during commercials.

Suddenly, before my eyes, he started turning into my sweet, funny boy. Yeah he bitched a bit about going to bed. Pulled the old dejected, sighing, unenthusiastic "Love you too" routine. However, no whining, no crying, no fit throwing and no mommy yelling.

Hell... I might actually be getting the hang of this parenting stuff! Naaaaaaaah.

Doctor, Doctor...

Gimme the news! I gotta Bad Case of Sugar Blues!

I called the Doc today. She took me off the Glimperide completely. We'll see how it goes. If I continue crashing daily I'm to call back.

Hopefully I'll have more interesting things to talk about now!

Yesterday was weigh in day... it was not pretty. I exercised every day and lost... are you ready? Can you HANDLE it? I lost .2 lbs. POINT 2. Jebus take the wheel... cause yer KILLIN me with this schiznit!

I'm wondering if all the crashing blood sugars have anything to do with it or if my body is just being difficult. Heh. It's prolly a combination of the two!

How are you guys doing out there? Hey... is this thing on?? ::taps on microphone::

So... a Knight, a Dragon and a Dwarf walk into a bar... you'da thought the Dwarf woulda missed it... ::Ba dum bum:: ***

*** I blame it on the constant low blood sugars... *cough*

Guess What....

Yeah... I crashed again. This is the 6th day I've crashed with the blood sugars. Today I got down to 51... So. Not. Good.

I'm calling the Dr. tomorrow. I can't wait until Thursday. I feel like Hell... only... yanno... humanish.

Bastkeball Diaries

Shecky had 2 basketball games today. MUCH hilarity ensued. They lost both games... by a sizable amount. However, I haven't laughed so hard in AGES.

Shecky played all but one quarter. The quarter he sat out I watched him on the bench as he fiddled with the coach's clipboard. The coach called for him to go back into the game and Shecky approached him with the clipboard.

Shecky: "Hey Coach! I've got a game plan here. Everyone goes where I tell them and we'll WIN THE GAME!" ::Shecky proudly shows Coach the diagram he's done up on the clipboard.

Coach A: ::Trying desperately not to laugh as he looks at the clipboard:: "Give me the clipboard Shecky. Get out there and play some ball." ::Coach then looks at me, as I am sitting right behind the bench, and we both CRACK. THE. HELL. UP.::

Shecky (now on the court): "MICHAEL! TAYLOR! TANNER! EVERYONE GO TO THE MIDDLE OF THE COURT!!!"

Me and Coach A: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! GET UNDER THE BASKET!" (We both proceed to loosing our shit laughing again.)

God help me, the child just cracks my ass up! Thank goodness the coach feels the same way!

Picture This...

I KNOW you're tired of hearing about my low blood sugars and how tired I am so... Here's a picture :P

Crashed...

again. Not badly but still... so... very... worn... out. Meh. A week eh? Gawd...

Out Of Gas

Not ONLY is this the title of a most FANTASTIC episode of Firefly (You MUST by the DVD's if you haven't seen this show yet. Unfortunately, it was on Fox and only got 11 or 13 episodes but ... damn... good... good... stuff) but it describes how I'm feeling.

This is day 3 of crashing blood sugar levels and exercise in the pool. I've upped my daily points to 35 a day to compensate for the exercise but the sugars, they're still slammin' into the basement every chance they get.

I called the Dr. today and they had me cut my glymparide down by half. I'll only take it once a day now. Hopefully that will fix the problem. I'm supposed to give it a week and if it doesn't fix the prob... I drop the med altogether. Everyone at once now, WOOT! I almost hope I keep crashing for the rest of the week.

Here's to hoping you all had a better day than I have... and that tomorrow is better for us all.

Crap On A Stick...

Yeah... that pretty much describes how I feel.

Today I have been living in bizarro world. My blood sugars have been crashing like blind pilot flying through a gaggle of geese! I have crashed 3 times today... once as low as 49... 49???!?!?!?!!!! Jesus. I'm eating. I'm taking my meds. The only thing I can think of is the addition of exercising in the pool is causing my metabolism to work faster or better or... at all. I just know I'm exhausted PHYSICALLY between the low blood sugars and the exercise... but I'M NOT SLEEPY!

I hurt to frickin' much to be sleepy. My arms and legs are performing a slow, evil torture on me. I. No. LIKEE!!!! Bleh.

Sorry for all the whining. I'm just not having the best of days physically... *reads post again* or mentally I guess. Heh.

ZOMG Heath Leger is DEAD??? Dudes, he's 10 years younger than me and he's DEAD??? That's. Not. RIGHT!

It's A BOY!

No, I'm NOT pregnant! Today the Blogaverse is throwing Julie of MothergooseMouse an online babyshower. She's expecting a boy so here's the best advise I can give you about raising a boy...

THEY LIKE GIRLS AT A VERY EARLY AGE!!!!! Shecky has been hittin' on the girlies since he was about... ummm 18 months old. He decided who he was going to marry when he was 3. He STILL says he's marrying her ... 4 years later. He got engaged at the ripe old age of 5... and said his other girlfriends were just for now... *coughplayahcough*... INVEST IN KEVLAR ARMOR FOR YOUR SON... if he's anything like mine... you'll need it. Early. And. OFTEN.