Over at Suzanne Says... she has a feature called "Fed Up Friday". The point of it is to blog about whatever has been On. Your. Last. Nerve. for the last week. She's invited the rest of the Blogaverse to join in with her and vent, vent, vent! I LOVE this idea and I'm going to adopt it. Friday's 'round these here parts are for venting. Me venting. YOU venting in comments. Just a veritable Vent-o-rama! Heh.
I'm So Tired...
of feeling helpless. I HATE it. I've gotten into this mindset that I can't control anything. My weight and health problems, the lonliness I've been feeling, Shecky's whineyness, Unca B's health problems, all of it is just beyond my abilities these days. I'm sick of throwing my hands in the air with frustration because I feel overwhelmed. I'm just... so... OVER it.
Even more though, I'm over the NEED to control everything. I know that some of it is, really, within my ability to control. The weight and Shecky's Wine and Cheese Fest in particular. My health problems will dissipate as the weight goes down.
The feeling so lonely though... yeah... I got nothin'. I talk to J and Husband daily. I live with my parents who love me and my son who is the light of my life. Yet, so much of the time I feel... empty. I don't mean devoid of emotion but more like... needy. Needing affection. It bugs the crap out of me that I NEED that so very much. I do though. I NEED the cuddles, the gentle touches all that shit or I start feeling helpless and worthless and just... undeserving of anything positive or good. WTF IS THAT ABOUT?
A better question is how do I keep the lack of those things from pulling me down into this morass of meh?