Worry...

My grandmother was admitted to the hospital again today. She's now on her way to ICU. They say she has a blood clot in her lung. I find that odd... considering she is on a regimen of cumadin. Her heart rate and blood pressure are way too high. Her oxygen levels too low. I beg of you, say a prayer for her. She's the only grandparent I have left. I'd like her to be around a while longer, but, if its her time I want her to ease away not struggle and hurt and strain.

I Hang My Head In Shame...

Damn it. I LOST.MY.SHIT. with Shecky this morning. This single parenting thing is taking its toll on me, my patience and my child.

I cannot STAND whining. It's like ... well... it bypasses my eardrums and heads straight for my central nervous system, setting my teeth on edge and making me want to scream in agony.

Shecky, God love him, has a fit throwing, eardrum passing whine habit. This morning's episode was a toot! He has recently learned how to tie his own shoes. However, he doesn't like having to do it himself. He has a "hoop issue". Anyway, this morning he decided someone else was going to tie his shoes and commenced to throwing the whiniest, brattiest hissy fit in history. He tantrumed his ass off... and I lost it. I yelled, I grounded, I cajoled , I tore my hair out. His fit lasted 30 minutes. My father was yelling at him, taunting him, calling him a baby, which, yeah... SO not helping.

I truely am at my wits end with it. I don't know how to effectively circumvent these fits of his. I can't figure out how to redirect the whining into something more positive. Unfortunately, I don't have the patience to deal with them either.

Now, I realize he was tired. He went to bed an hour and a half late. (Basketball game, they lost. Season OVER for him.) He got up a half an hour early as well. (Don't ask. I swear the later he goes to bed the earlier he rises. YOU figure it out. God knows I've tried and failed more times than I can count.) I'm sick so my tolerance and patience levels are lower than normal. I, logically, know that all of that figures in. I feel like crap for my part in our morning tantrum from Hell. A large part of me wants to let him off the hook and rescind the grounding edict. (Partially out of self defence. WTF was I THINKING? I grounded him from TV and Video Games... for a week... dumb ass move Mom. However, I realize if I let him off his grounding, I'm doing the wrong thing.

Help. Me.

Cough, Cough, Wheeze, Wheeze....

Yeah... I have a cold. In My Chest. Dad still expects me to exercise in the pool... WTF? Lemme say that again... IN. THE. POOL. SICK!

God... I know he means well but with my propensity for a cold to turn into pneumonia... that's really not smart.

Asshat!

Oh.. and American Idol... WTF? You eliminated the right guys but SO NOT the right girls. Overmeyer and Kady shoulda left...

Asshats!

Second Verse...

... same as the first.

Sorry I've been such an absent Bloggy Mama lately. I just really haven't had much to say.

I lost 1.3 lbs last week. I'm down a total of 68 lbs. I should be stoked but I'm feeling very... meh. I don't know if its a bout of depression or I'm getting sick or what.

I had a decent couple of days Sunday and Monday. J came to visit and we goofed off together. We watched a movie. (We interrupt this post to bring you a mini-review of "Knocked Up". OMFG it cracked my ass up! SO FUNNY!) We also played lots of Culdacept Saga on the 360. I'm addicted to this game. It's like the bastard love child of Monopoly and the Magic the Gathering card game. It's. My. Crack.

American Idol tonight was interesting. I really like David Archuletta and Jason Castro. They both have really good voices... yet... they're completely different. Archuletta is like a giant overly friendly puppy dog and I just wanna take him home and smoosh him! Castro... I dunno what it is about him. His EYES just... entrance me. His voice makes me pay attention. I really, REALLY hate these themes for the semi-finals though. IF YER GONNA LIMIT THEIR SONG CHOICES TO A THEME... AND THEN LIMIT THE THEME TO 50 SPECIFIC SONG DO NOT DING THE CONTESTANTS FOR SONG CHOICE YOU STUPID, STUPID BASTARDS.

That is all... *cough*

Crazy Days...

... And Crazy Nights..

Sorry I haven't been blogging much this week. Its been kind of crazy here. I had a migrane for 2 days. I've been working a Basketball Tournament off and on all week. I'm exhausted and cranky and ... well just not very plesant to be around.

Today I got a break though. I read "Strangers In Death" by J.D. Robb. Yes, I read the whole thing TODAY. I love the "... In Death" series. Ahhh bliss.

This Is...

AMERICAN IDOL!!
ra
The "Top 12 Men" sang tonight. Tomorrow it's the ladies turn. Lemme know if you care about my thoughts on this or not. I'm an addict... and AI is my crack...

Things I Learned Today

* When the room temp. is 75 and the water temp. is 90... DO NOT EXPECT TO BE WARM AS YOU EXERCISE IN THE FRICKIN' POOL... It's not gonna happen...

* Parents of children who play sports are often NOT very nice to the referee's

* Above mentioned referee's are INSANE and Saintly for dealing with the above mentioned parents.

* I know virtually nothing about my friends in the Blogging Community
( :P Lizarita!)

* Once I get cold like I did in the above mentioned pool... I cannot warm up.. EVER... apparently.. its like... a law or something

* I love being involved with my son's basketball league... cause I'm really getting to know the parents and kids he goes to school with

* 7 year olds can have testicular cancer... How scary is THAT shit?

* There IS such a thing as sugar free, fat free, calorie free chocolate... and it's not too shabby at all.

* It's also ummm... not NATURAL either.

* I wanna party with some of my Blogger Buddies but I'm too scared to even CONSIDER going to Blogher

We're Talkin' 'Bout A Revolution...

Heh not really. More like wrapping up the weekend. Husband came in Friday and finally got to see one of Shecky's basketball games. They lost again but at least he got to see him on the court.

There was one kid that was left up there by his parents for the entire day. Just dropped off... for the day... with no money or supervision. I was appalled. I bought the kiddo lunch and gave him a $5.00 bill before I left in case he needed anything else during the day. I was not ABOUT to leave that kid stranded with no money for the entire day while my family and I traipsed about town, having lunch and buying DVD's. I was angry but I felt SOMEONE needed to watch out for the child.

Weigh in was this morning. I lost 6 lbs this past week. WOOT. 395 is the new weight. I LOVE CORE PLAN! I just eat so much better on it rather than on points.

Sorry for all the rambling. Nite Nite.

Hi Hi! It's Me Again... Finally.

Sorry about my absence the last few days. Things here have been strained. I've become increasingly annoyed with my father and the way he conducts himself lately. Yesterday we had a huge blow up and now he's not speaking to Mom nor myself. Oh... the joys of being an adult child living with one's parents. ::gags..repeatedly::

Yeah.. I know... Bye-bye Blog365 :(

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. It's going to be a bit of a mixed bag for me. I won't be alone yet... I will. My masculine half won't be around so I'm, on one hand, very meh about the impending Day Of Love. On the other hand, I'll be partying with approximately 30 7 and 8 year olds in the afternoon. :) THAT I can't WAIT for. I'm gonna DIE from "A-Cute Overload". Yes... it is TOO a real diagnosis... Bite Me. heh.

I did get Husband and J and Shecky and my folks some cute stuff for VD though. Husband is getting 2 dozen gourmet brownies. J is getting 4 gourmet caramel apples. Shecky is getting a heart shaped box fulla candy. My parents are getting a Valentine decorated box of candies from the 1950's. HOPEFULLY that doesn't mean they were MADE in the 1950's. Hah!

Everyone, except my folks, are also getting a game. Husband and J got an XBOX360 game (I got myself a copy as well so we can all play online together). Shecky is getting High School Musical Sing It! for the PS2. Heh. Everyone should be quite happy with their loot.

I hope you all have a wonderful, romance filled Valentine's day.

Weekend Wrap Up

Sorry about the lack of post yesterday friends. I was exhausted and fell asleep while sitting up in a chair... waiting for Shecky to go to sleep... at ohhh... 9:30pm.

Yesterday was a LOOOONG day. We had a basketball game at the school which means I worked up there all day. I left the house a 8am and got home around 4. Bleh. I did have some great conversations with some of the other mom's there though.

We walked into the house and OOF... the tension! It was horrible. The parental units had been fighting all day. Made for an uncomfortable rest of the day. It's prolly a good thing I passed out dead to the world as early as I did.

Shecky's team ALMOST squeeked out a win. At one point the score was 8 to 10 in favor of the other team and I was SO excited. Final score was 8-12... However, I don't feel so bad about the near miss. I found out shortly after the game it was THEIR first win ever. They prolly needed it more. :)

Today has been kinda.. meh. I weighed in this morning and I'm.. at 401. I gained. I was so pissed off. Mom thought I should go up to 35 points because of the added exercise. I managed to do it this week and I GAINED. Yeah... we're going on core tomorrow.

I exercised in the pool today. Immediately after Shecky joined me and we horsed around for another 30-45 minutes playing Marco Polo and trying to surf on his kick board. Heh.

That's pretty much my weekend in a nutshell.

Go Here...

... If you wanna laugh yer ass off. I LOVE this woman.. really I do. I'm so glad I'm not the only one that does shit like this!!!

Random Ravings of a Rubenesque

Short random comments on stuffs...

*******
SURVIVOR Favorites Vs. Fanatics started tonight! WOOT!!

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WW Friendly Chicken or Turkey A La King:

Chicken or Turkey A LA King

1 lb baked or boiled Turkey or Chicken
½ Cup Flour
½ Cup I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Spray
5 Cups Skim Milk
1 Can Green Peas
2 Tbsp. Better Than Bullion Chicken Flavor
Salt and Pepper to taste.

In large pot combine flour and I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Spray. Stir until flour and spray are incorporated. Add Skim Milk 1 Cup at a time incorporating into flour mixture. Boil until it begins to thicken. Add Chicken or Turkey and allow meat to heat through. Add Green Peas. Season to taste. MUST STIR CONSTANTLY FROM BEGINNING TO END OF RECIPE.

Serve with biscuits, rolls or bread and a salad for a complete meal.

4 points per cup.
*******
I did my Valentine's Day shopping today. Found some GREAT stuffs!

*******
I HURT. My calves and my hips are performing slow torture upon me. Phuckers!

*******
My son's school is trying to bankrupt me one quarter at a time. Candygrams, Crush Cans, Tee Shirts, Cookbooks... and he wants it ALL!!!!

*******
Have you ever wondered why Woodchuks WOULD chuck wood?

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I feel like I have ADD tonight...

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SURVIVOR WAS ON ... wait... already did that one...

I'm fresh outta ideas I guess! heh. Have a great night.

POST NUMBER 200!!!

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Yer getting a MeMe. Heh! I exercised in the pool late today. Like... 9pm late. My calves... they hurt. My brain... its fried. Yer gettin a MeMe heheh.


I was tagged for a book MeMe by brneyedgal967 over at The Color of Home. She's got a rather scary ongoing saga right now. Her poor Chappy, an ADORABLE doggy, was attacked by a coyote and is in pretty bad shape. So, out of pitty for her plight... I'm workin' out the MeMe. (That and I frickin LOVE this things... I'm a freak. I know it.)

The rules are simple:

1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people.

The book nearest me is Switching Time by Dr. Richard Baer. It describes his treatment of a woman with 17 personalities. It's an EXCELLENT read even though the quote I'm about to post is kinda... meh.

"But how did you get hurt?"
Karen looks at the floor and shakes her head. "I don't remember."
"Some other part was out?" I ask.

I really, really enjoyed this book and strongly recommend it to anyone that is interested in psychology or MPD.

I'm tagging:


1. Lizarita over at .. Oops!
Did I Say That Out Loud? 'cause she's just that awesome.

2. La Liv over at Madness, Madness I Say ... mainly cause I wanna see what she reads heh.


3. Midwestern Mommy over at. ahem... Midwestern Mommy. She's someone I really enjoy reading and I wanna know MORE MORE MORE.

4. Flutter over at Flutter: Dark and Divine. She's SO Divine!

5. Wendy over at One Day At A Time... cause I like to bug her with silly things!

So... there ya go! MeMe complete! :)

...

...

I got nothing. Feelin' kinda punk... just gonna say goodnight. G'night Moon... err... yeah...

YOU MUST GO HERE

Suzanne Says...

Suzanne has put up a wonderfully moving Video made by Wil. I. Am. of the Black-eyed Peas. It is a song he was moved to write by Barak Obama's "Yes We Can" speach. Its awesome. His message of hope is VERY uplifting... I just wish his plans were better expressed, better detailed so we could see how he plans to bring his awesome message to fruition...

The Sound...

of Silence.

Shecky is at school. My parents just left town and won't be back until sometime tomorrow. I'm sitting here... basking in the silence and the peace. Living here has been a blessing. It saved my life. However, its damaging my calm. (Gold star for whoever gets the movie reference.) Dad is always yelling and complaining and bitching. Usually its about nothing. Rarely is it ever justified. Mom is usually this bundle of nerves waiting for Dad's next explosion. Shecky is a ball of noise and energy with spurts of whiney cajoling and inane non-sequitors.

It's lovely to have the place to myself...

So, why is it that I'm bored after just 30 minutes? Sigh...

NY GIANTS WIN SUPERBOWL 42!!!!!

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (HATE the Patriots. Apologies to anyone that is a fan of theirs. Tom Brady is just so... ::Wrinkles nose:: Ewwww... smarmy!

Eating Crow...

... No... it does NOT taste like chicken.

First, I'd like to apologize again for my post last night. Honestly, I'm not normally like that but WOW I was just... a raw, exposed nerve last night. I went to bed early and I'm feeling much better today.

I weighed in this morning and.. ummm... well... I lost 6.5 lbs. I'm now BELOW 400 POUNDS!!! My current weight is 397 lbs. Holy... Schnikies!

I know I still have a lot, LOT of weight to loose but getting below 400 is a YOOGE milestone for me! This is the least I've weighed in 3-4 years.

Now, I have to look forward and hit my next goal... 375 lbs. 22 lbs to go!

Thank you all for sticking with me through this journey and listening to me bitch, whine, cry and moan. Thank you for being a part of me saving and getting my life back. :)

FOUL....

yeah... that basically covers my mood.

I'm CONVINCED that I'm not going to loose tomorrow at WI. I've been exercising daily. I've been following the plan. However, we upped my daily points to 35 because of the hour or more of exercise in the water.

I don't feel it folks. You know how you can just TELL you're not loosing. YOU KNOW... YOU KNOW its just. not. working. Yeah. I'm there.

My frustration level is like... ::points to the moon:: THAT HIGH right now. I didn't even wanna eat dinner tonight. Mom finally forced the issue and I had 2 eggs on toast and a toasted cheese sandwich... for which I got yelled at about the amount of bread...

Yeah... everything is on my nerves. I SHOULD have had a visit from good ole' Aunt Flow like... Monday... but she's not shown up yet. I know I prolly have PMS and that's why my temper is on such a short fuse but ... I don't even like MYSELF right now.

And NOW? NOW!!! NOW I wanna eat like... EVERYTHING. I tend to do that. I'll not want to eat when I'm toward the end of PMS and when I finally DO eat... ZOMG I don't wanna stop. So, now I'm fighting that urge.

I'd just go to bed and sleep it off but... errrmmmm... its only 8:12pm... way too early.

HATE.EVERYTHING.RIGHT.NOW!!!



***Please excuse this rant. I HAD to get it out or I was going to strangle someone in this house and... honestly... I REALLY dun wanna go to jail.

Fed Up Friday

Over at Suzanne Says... she has a feature called "Fed Up Friday". The point of it is to blog about whatever has been On. Your. Last. Nerve. for the last week. She's invited the rest of the Blogaverse to join in with her and vent, vent, vent! I LOVE this idea and I'm going to adopt it. Friday's 'round these here parts are for venting. Me venting. YOU venting in comments. Just a veritable Vent-o-rama! Heh.

I'm So Tired...

of feeling helpless. I HATE it. I've gotten into this mindset that I can't control anything. My weight and health problems, the lonliness I've been feeling, Shecky's whineyness, Unca B's health problems, all of it is just beyond my abilities these days. I'm sick of throwing my hands in the air with frustration because I feel overwhelmed. I'm just... so... OVER it.

Even more though, I'm over the NEED to control everything. I know that some of it is, really, within my ability to control. The weight and Shecky's Wine and Cheese Fest in particular. My health problems will dissipate as the weight goes down.

The feeling so lonely though... yeah... I got nothin'. I talk to J and Husband daily. I live with my parents who love me and my son who is the light of my life. Yet, so much of the time I feel... empty. I don't mean devoid of emotion but more like... needy. Needing affection. It bugs the crap out of me that I NEED that so very much. I do though. I NEED the cuddles, the gentle touches all that shit or I start feeling helpless and worthless and just... undeserving of anything positive or good. WTF IS THAT ABOUT?

A better question is how do I keep the lack of those things from pulling me down into this morass of meh?